Tuesday, December 7, 2010

DEAD(ly) SEA....

Okay, enough… That's the end of everything. I can't take it anymore… that's the end. I swear…
Where can I go? Can I hang myself? But that would hurt badly. Should I drink poison? But what if it does not work quickly? I would have to die terribly. No. I don't want to die like that. I will drown myself in the sea. That won't hurt; I will quickly choke to death once I am completely immersed in the water. Besides, two more people have died in this vicinity recently. It may look like a criminally planned attack till they find my note. Perfect. Tonight is the night.
I wrote my suicide note, blaming no one in particular but everyone actually. I wore my favorite black trousers and black tee. Do I need shoes?? No, I don't need them. It was a bit cooler compared to other days and windy. I should go at the far end to drown. No particular reason but just being smart, unnecessarily. People will look around for me before finding my note or my body, if at all they find it out. I walked some five hundred meters but decided to go farther. After walking for almost half an hour in that dark night with sky illuminated with sparkling stars and full moon against the background rhythmic music of waves, I decided to end my journey at that point. I recalled my parents, my closest friends, my teachers and my enemies and moved forward to get immersed.
"Hey watch out… What are you doing?", someone called for me from behind.
I decided not to turn and make my face visible to him; let them search for me.
"None of your business mister. I am going for a small swim. Is that a problem for you?", and I again moved forward
"Yes, that's a problem for me. I am supposed to guard this place. If you won't stop, I will have to get up and pull you aside"
Damn… I should have rather drowned nearer to my quarters.
I decided to go back, out of his guarded area.
"Hey miss. If you don't mind, you can come and sit with me. I have lot of stories to tell, if you are interested", I still didn't turn around and started walking quickly
"I suppose you are free and have nothing to do that's why you thought of swimming at this hour of day. Why don't you join me to kill my time? It's anyways not safe to swim at this time…", he started following me. Enough of this non-sense. I decided to turn around and shout at him to leave me alone.
"Look man, I am here not for some picnic or leisure. I had come here to commit suicide. Did you hear me right? TO COMMIT SUICIDE. If you don't want to get tangled in police case, let me go and leave me alone. Do you understand??", I was almost shouting on his face.
He was a young man in his mid twenties. Clean shaven and wearing nice clothes. He can't be a guard.
"Oh, you have come to commit suicide. Amazing. But you can jump in there after 5 a.m., that's when I get off duty and someone else comes in"
"I am not going to schedule my suicide according to your working hours. Now, will you let me do what I have come here for?"
"Sure. By the way, do you know how to swim?"
"If I would have known, why would I decide to end my life by drowning?"
"Oh, I must tell you even if you would have known swimming; it was no guarantee of saving you once you decide to end your life. It's very wild; the ocean. By the time you decide to abandon the idea of suicide and help yourself get out of that monster, you would have already lost the battle. It's very scary to die by drowning yourself in that vast sea"
"Thanks for your information. Suicide, in any way, is always scary. I know that"
"No seriously. Just look at it. It's dark, it's wild and it's making some noise. The moment you put your first step in that water, you will get a chilling feeling going up your spine, it's cold, damn cold. Then as you will go inside it, the noise would be thunderous. It's not as quiet as it looks. You would want to shut your ears but you won't be able to. You think the water will immerse you in it quickly? You are gravely mistaken. It will soak you slowly and slowly. Initially you will feel that you actually are swimming but when it starts gulping you in, you would want to release yourself desperately. That's when it will start eating you in at terrible speed. Tell me, which is the worst drink that you have had ever?"
"Well, I don't like milk, so I guess that's the one". Why am I even listening and talking to him? I am answering him. But there is some shine in his eyes and some sharpness in his voice, which are compelling me to listen to him and talk to him
"Okay. Imagine your mother running after you to drink that milk… yuck… and suddenly she grabs your mouth and starts pouring that big glass of milk into your mouth and you are desperately try to run away from her clutches. And you are chocking", he has become animated now. Using his hands and eyes a lot
"Errrrrrr…… that hurts. I have chocked myself many a times like that in my childhood. Even when I would get out of her clutch, I would feel that someone is blocking my breathe"
"That's exactly how it feels once you start drowning. The salt water will overfill your body and you would have no place to puke it out"
"Wait. Why are you telling me all this? Are you trying to trick me into quitting my plan? If that is the case, you are mistaken. I am not quitting", I regained my conscious.
"Oh, but I thought you are quitting. You are quitting life. I just thought to warn you with my experience, that's it"
"Your experience?"
"Yes. I experienced all this when I was at your place 10 years back. It did hurt badly. Even I was a swimmer. It didn't help much. I did commit suicide the same way"
I am talking to a ghost who committed suicide by drowning in these waters 10 years back!!!! Everything is quickly turning into small black dot…
THAAAAACK….. My head hit that heavy rock…. Strange wire like images… Blue…. Green…. Red…. Black…. Everything is turning black….
"Oh, miss… get up please. Let me complete my story… I tried to commit suicide but the owner of this villa saved me and that's why he gave me the job to guard it. Get up miss… Oh, I guess, she also has died of shock… I never meant to scare her away… She is the third one to die like this. Shit… I decided to tell first that I am not a ghost and I tried committing suicide and yet again, I told her that at the end. Oh, I am such a bad pacifier; I am such a fool. I promised to keep people away from committing suicide but I am killing them. OH GOD!!!!!"


  1. I've got to tell you this- everytime I watch MasterChef India & see Radhicka, I always remember you. I dont know what's the connection, but she somehow always reminds me of you...

  2. @Pranali: oh, is that so...? i don't watch that program but now i hav 2 watch it once.. hope Radhicka is still thr... :)


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