Oh, Poor us!!!

Kabhi kabhi mere dil mei khayal aata hai (Sometimes, a thought arises in my heart – literal meaning): aren’t some people made exceptionally rich and some people are exceptionally poor and then there is a middle layer of people who think that they are rich, they try to imitate rich people but little do they realise that they are actually poor.

From the past couple of months, almost all the social media platforms are filled with photographs and videos and news of Uber Rich people marrying even more Uber X Rich people (Uber and Uber X is same as Large and Extra Large). I take a look at a very graceful bride wearing the best of their wedding dresses created by Celebrity Designers and then I look at my pic as a Bride. Till so many years, I was so proud of looking so beautiful in a ‘very expensive’ lehenga (don’t you dare ask me its price) and then I see Priyanka Chopra wearing a Ralph Lauren wedding gown with 75 meters of trail which was being handled by at least 4-5 people.

I remember being fed tomato by my husband when our photographer asked for a customary pose of Bride and Groom feeding each other. Tomato because I was suffering from Jaundice. And then I look at the 6 tier Palatial Cake being cut with a sword by Nick and Priyanka. I now hate Tomatoes and probably 2 tier cakes as well, coz I still calculate the price difference between a single tier birthday cake and the 2 tier cake for my daughter’s birthday and then I always decide for a single tier one. You see, its easier to cut and manage. Money does not matter to me, I swear.

After so many ‘secretively’ conducted ceremonies of these Rich people, when the list of events came out, the immediate thought which crossed my mind was this: My wedding, total 3 major events and I almost died of getting ready, forget about giving a smiling pose to the ever intruding photographers and here they are. Changing into extravagant designer heavy costumes for 7-8 MAJOR events and yet giving that perfect ‘dream’ smile and gracious shy smile (which, btw, looked very very very fake – the ‘shy smile’ part). My brother got married with a high fever. I got married just after getting discharged from the hospital for a severe jaundice. My cousin injured his toe just before reaching his hometown for his wedding. Not that I want people to be injured or sick but how can they look so fresh and vibrant all throughout those shows, errrr, wedding ceremonies I meant?

Shows – that reminds me. It was so difficult to know if those videos were from some wedding Sangeet night or IIFA or Filmfare awards night. For one of my cousin’s wedding, my mom and other cousins somehow put together a dance on a certain song and they were very excited. When I called my mom and asked how was their ‘performance’, she cursed another poor cousin of ours coz he played the ‘remixed and faster’ version of that song and all the participants were dancing together but in different directions and on different lines.

Such accidents happen in our weddings and such accidents must happen in the weddings otherwise what will people remember those weddings for? So, all these high profile weddings of Uber X class of Indians made me think if any such stupid accident happened there. Was there any bhua/fufaji (aunt/uncle) there who cribbed just about everything? Was there any last minute shortage of Gulab Jamuns or everything was well stocked? Do these Uber X families gossip about who was wearing what and how everyone was looking after the wedding ceremonies are over or they just go back to their businesses? Did anyone shout on the hotel staff for not serving morning tea on time? Was there any immediate uncle who was in-charge of the cooking staff so that they don’t do any kind of scam by bringing 50 Kgs of potatoes but sneaking away 5 Kgs to their homes?

But yes, one and only one event made me feel really connected to one of the Uber X  rich families – the Sangeet night of The Ambanis. The Ambani men were dancing right from their hearts. The Celebrity Choreograhper might have spent numerous hours and billed crores of rupees yet the men danced with their 2 left feet – to hell with the rhythm and to hell with the World. That’s a father’s love for a daughter and brothers’ love for their sister who is getting married. And then entered the groom (Priyanka Chopra got him on the stage for Desi Girl) and I thanked God that the family got just the right man. He gelled so well with the men of the Ambani clan. Had the same 2 left feet!! I wondered if any of their multi million dollars business deals got cancelled after the stakeholders saw these men dancing like that but who cares. There were other paid celebrities who were dancing and putting up a nice IIFA show there.

Yes, one noble act that the Ambanis did was to feed around 5100 needy people. That was really commendable. But I still do not understand the need of a 3,00,000/- worth of a wedding card (from the news sources). I saw a demo online and had 2 basic questions (typical lower middle class mentality of mine) –

1. That aarti which plays on opening the card run on batteries? So, if the battery is drained out, the recipients have to put on the new batteries?

2. I am sure they might have invited many foreigner friends, the most prominent one being Ms. Hillary Clinton. Did they FedEx those big Invitation Cards to them or they personally visited them in their private Jets?

I have only 3 wedding cards left from my wedding and I diligently take them out from my bookshelf and blow away the dirt almost every 2/3 months. Had my father made a 3,00,000/- wedding invitation card for me, I might have booked a few bank lockers for them and carried them with me in every wedding within the family or friends circle - It would have worked as an expensive jewellery/accessory. I think I should check with my parents (without getting slapped in slow motion 3 times in the Ekta Kapoor serial style) if my entire jewellery which they gifted me was worth 3,00,000/- or not. If not, then I would really be heart broken (after 9 years of my wedding). If yes, then also I would want to get a little drunk and console myself.

Just now read the title of one of the news items (didn’t bother to open the article though) – “The real reason why Deepika-Ranveer has delayed their honeymoon”.

I mean, I already figured that out man!! They had a pooja ceremony, Sangeet night, Wedding – Style 1, Wedding – Style 2, Reception – Bengaluru, Reception – Mumbai1, Reception – Mumbai2, Reception – Mumbai3 (an after wedding party thrown by Ranveer’s sister), then they had Ambani Sangeet in Udaipur, Ambani Wedding – Mumbai, Ambani – Reception (not sure if they were invited to Priyanka-Nick Reception – Delhi, Priyanka – Nick Reception – Mumbai or not). Where is the time and need for the honeymoon guys??!!!

Oh, Nick-Priyanka (Nickyanka) reminds me, poor Nick (not literal poor but awwww, poor) might not have realised of how expensive his wedding and wife would turn out to be. I am more worried about them specially. Not that I want that to happen but you see, separations are very common and frequent in the West. So much spent on wedding, I honestly wish that they stay together for at least 25 years. Oh, do you think he knows that he is not the Jiju of only Parineeti Chopra? He is India’s ‘THE NICK JIJU’!!!

Anyway. I know people ‘dream’ about their weddings ever since they know the spelling of the word and would do everything within their capacities to bring the experience as close to their dream as possible but how I hoped that they could have married in a little lesser extravagant fashion so that we majority of middle class Indians would not have felt bad for our weddings...

The famous EGO GAME

From past few weeks and months I have being witnessing a very weird scene but something which is not at all uncommon in organisations – Unhealthy and unnecessary Competition between Leaders. Not that I am seeing or hearing about this for the first time but every time I see this happening, I just can’t help but travel back in time and remember one of the most powerful Team Building activities that I have ever been a part of.

It was in May or June of 2008 when I had just joined 3i Infotech Limited, my first job. We were a batch of good 100+ MBA graduates who had joined the company and our induction was in Mumbai. We were made to go through many sessions to induct us in the Company and train us to work in a corporate environment. At the tail end of this induction month, we were taken to Garudmaachi (an outdoor training centre) near Pune. It was a weekend trip with a night stay and many team building, trekking and other outdoor activities were planned.

We were divided into teams and we enjoyed many activities. Now, there was one of the team building activities for which we were taken to a ground where there were lot of obstacles which were placed (like drums or ropes or bars etc). Our Trainer asked the Captains of both the teams to accompany him to a separate corner, while the teams waited. He explained both of them the task and announced - ‘Are you ready? Get set go!!’ and here came our captains rushing towards us.

Both of them explained that the respective team has to cross over from one corner to the diagonally opposite corner, where the other team is, before they could reach our corner. Block their way, deviate them but the rule is that none of the team members’ foot should touch the ground. Either you hang by the rope or walk on the bar but not on the ground. And we had 15 minutes of time. Our respective Captains gave the Shah Rukh Khan’s Chak De style motivating speeches and we made strategies and started our ‘fight’ to block their way and help our team members cross over...

And boy, it was tough. We got mildly injured, our lungs were tired after so much of shouting and we pushed the ‘rivals’ and pulled our team members. As soon as 15 minutes were over, our Trainer blew the whistle and we had to abandon the game. He then called all of us towards him. He sat on a rock while all of us sat on the ground, even though chairs were there at some distance, but all of us were exhausted. Now, came the biggest lesson of my life.

We asked, which team has won and started arguing based on how many members were able to cross over to the other side from each team. We were startled to hear that ‘none of us has won’. We again started arguing and mudslinging the other team members and what not. Then he blew the whistle again and made us go on the ‘pin drop silence mode’. Then he calmly asked both the Captains of what he explained to them about the task in that corner. Both of them stood up and almost synchronously and in complete agreement with each other told that ‘You asked us to cross over our teams from Corner#1 to Corner#2, which are diagonally opposite to each other and vice versa and we have 15 minutes of time and that none of our team member’s foot should touch the ground’.

He then asked one simple question - ‘Did I ever tell you that you have to block the other Captain and his team?’

There was a pin drop silence.

He went on to explain – ‘I just told that Team A has to go to the corner of Team B and Team B has to go to the corner of Team A. Yes, you would have to cross the hurdles making sure that you don’t touch the ground but that’s why those 15 minutes were given. A simple walk across the corners would have taken less than a minute but since each team had 7 members and there were around 5-6 hurdles, it would have taken 15 minutes. You know what you were supposed to do?’

The captains shrugged.

He told - ‘Both of you could have spoken to each other first and decided which team will cross first, Team A or Team B and first the respective Team should have crossed the area and when all the members of that team would have crossed over, the other team could have started their journey. In this case, even the first team could have shared their experiences and knowledge to help the second team to cross the area even faster to make sure that both the teams could finish within 15 minutes. See, what the two of you have done to your teams. While some of them did cross over to the other side but look at them. They are injured. They are accusing each other. They are fighting.’

That’s it. Leaders are not supposed to make strategies only for their team and their team to win. Leaders have the responsibility to take the task to completion making sure that they and their teams synchronise. We are in corporate world. All of us join a company to become a part of the Company’s vision and mission, not to make your own teams who will win certain competition which is not even there. In this journey to fulfil the vision and mission of the Company, surely, people would grow as they gain experience of working. They grow on to become the Leaders. The leaders are supposed to then take the complete team up but not pulling down the other team or the team members. This is what makes a leader respectable. With this attitude within yourself, you will instil the same in your team and definitely influence other teams as well. But if you indulge into ‘my team wins’ - ‘your team loses’ tactic, you will train your team and even other team members to learn this attitude.

My first manager in the previous company (Nagesh Sir) was one such example of good leadership. Of course, he was unreasonable at times but I found him a great leader. Though we were allowed and even expected to call him with his first name but many a times I would find myself calling him Nagesh SIR, out of the sheer respect that I had for him as a leader.

I had seen him pull a chair and sit next to a developer to get into the code to fix something which the developer was not able to fix. I remember that we missed something and were running against the time. To fix that piece, another team had to work on it and they won’t work till all the formal approvals were procured. I was tensed and reached out to Nagesh. Very calmly he got up and walked up to the desk of Tech Team Lead of that other team, explained the problem, impact and the solution and instructed me in front of him that I should straightaway start working on getting all the necessary approvals while that team works on the solution. The TL immediately agreed and the wheel started rolling. I knew what I have to do and he knew what he had to do. Nagesh, meanwhile, went back to his desk. Problem solved.

Team building, corporate relationship building, respecting everyone in the team, helping everyone learn and grow so that one day your junior will take over your role is what a Leader is about.

If a leader has a fear of helping his team for them to grow and take his place some day, he is not a leader. If the leader has a hidden agenda to ‘win’ a non-existent ego competition, he is not a leader. If a leader has a massive ego which does not let him say ‘sorry’ for something wrong he has committed/missed and does not ‘congratulate’ anyone for their good work – own team member or other, he is not a leader. If a leader takes away the entire credit for himself or select few people of his team, he is not a leader.

Leader would stand tall and congratulate anyone who does a smallest or greatest of the good work and hold the hand of a faltering member to help him stand back on his two feet.

This trip to Garunmaachi was almost 10.5 years back but I still can’t forget this lesson. I wish to spread this message to everyone, especially the famous ‘Corporate Think Tanks’ where we complicate our professional lives and then gradually ruin our mental peace because of such misconception about being a Leader or a Manager, as we call them.

Movie Review: Padmaavat

A 2.5 years movie drought was finally broken with the much awaited and one of the most controversial movies of recent times - Padmaavat. First of all, when I say movie drought, I mean, I had gone to watch a movie on the big screen after roughly 2.5 years. In 4.5 years, 2 movies.

I was pleasantly surprised when last Friday Mr. Husband proposed the idea to go for this movie and I made sure that he pre-book the tickets by constantly reminding him...errrr... actually nagging him. But who cares. I finally forced him to book the tickets.

This movie had been in the controversy right from the time SLB started its shooting. He was attacked by a community who somehow knew that he is demeaning their community with his movie. How did they know it when the movie was not even shot? Never mind about it… The movie is ready for release with the name Padmavati and one of its songs has already become a chart buster, maximum number of watches on YouTube within few hours of launch and the community declares war. Buses are torched, people are attacked, open threats are given to the leading lady and what not. Finally, the movie is banned in a couple of states even after the Supreme Court ruling. 

I did not really understand the core reason for the outrage. One thing which I heard or so I understood was that this movie demean the community. If that at all was the reason, after watching the movie, I think this is one of those movies which instead glorified that community for their courage, valor and the values which they stand by even when they face death.

Anyway. Since I don't know the exact reason for all this, I should rather not comment on it. So. Back to the movie review.

Large Scale. Beautiful Costumes. Melodious music after many years (except Khalibali). Fantastic acting by Ranveer Singh. A feast for eyes - Beautifully choreographed Ghoomar song. 

For a movie and sleep deprived mom of a toddler, stepping into the movie theatre itself was a feast. I think I might have even loved Humshakals movie in the given circumstances. Btw, this does not mean that I will ever watch that terrible movie but I was just trying to give you an idea about my happiness. Since past many weeks, I, my daughter and Mr. Husband had been a fan of Ghoomar song and my daughter's first ever stage performance (during a wedding) was also on this very song. So. It was special and I must say that when the song finally happened on the screen, I was not at all disappointed and I got a "paisa wasool" kind of feeling just by watching that song and my daughter watched it with her mouth open. After the song, for her, the movie had finished and we should go back home, unless there were pop corns to eat.

Shahid Kapoor - I think he was looking suitable for the role till he was romancing Deepika and have not encountered Ranveer Singh and had not delivered the heavy weight "wo Rajput" dialogues. Lot of times I felt that the poor guy had to stretch himself more than his height to (a) match up with Deepika's height and (b) to carry those heavy costumes, especially the final fight scene [for a war, that was definitely not a very convenient costume]. Replace him with Hrithik would have justified the role but then he would have over shadowed Ranveer Singh, which definitely did not look like SLB's intention. So, with that, I think he looked good in few places but really unconvincing that he could actually have guts to marry two ladies and run a Kingdom!!!

Deepika Padukone - Did anyone notice, she did not have many dialogues? I will say it again. Though major adulation should be for the choreographer of the Ghoomar song but she did show a great screen presence. Something which I didn't understand. She belonged to Singhal (somewhere in Sri Lanka). Married a Rajasthani Rajput and within only few days learnt Ghoomar, the Rajasthani language, Rajputs' aan-baan-aur-shaan nuances and even knew what a Jouhar is... I have been married for 8 years now and on many occasions I still feel that probably I have not understood my family and the rituals. But, probably she was madly and deeply in LOVE with her King.

Whatever high pitched dialogues she had, I must say, made me laugh. Nice costumes. She looked good. Loved her and wanted to stop her when she was running into the fire but then I thought, why stop. She is looking good as she is not talking. Let her go. 

Poor 1st wife of Shahid Kapoor. She did not even get a single scene with her husband. I am no one to comment on that culture during those days - marry many times as and when you either fall in love with a random girl or you have "won" the girl - but I would kill my husband if he marries another girl while I am still his wife and alive. How can a husband simply wash out from his mind that he is married and has a wife back home? Anyway. I can understand the frustration of the 1st wife - not even one shot with her on-screen husband, forget about any romantic scenes.

Ranveer Singh - The Star of the movie. Barbaric. Someone to be hated immensely. Dark. Can't think of anyone else to replace him. Many people don't like him but I think as an actor, he is a "chupa rustom"... He played a typical Delhi awaara boy in his debut film and played a suave rich spoilt boy in Dil Dhadakne Do. And now, a barbaric, throne hungry fighter. I like him. The most convincing actor in this movie. 

Overall, the climax scene was a bit stretched but since it was the highlight of the movie, can't blame it. Beautifully shot. Even though I knew what is going to happen but still pushed me on the edge of my seat to actually see how it will be shown. If it was a true event in the History, just to think about it gives goosebumps on my hands. 

Another thing which I didn't agree with - the time. The enemy is at your door step and you calmly decides to celebrate Diwali. He is still at your door step and you also celebrate Holi - these two festivals are at least 5-6 months apart. No other King or guest visited you in these 6 months? Neither did you go out to ask for help after your fellow Kings refused your message sent with your messenger just once? Again. The next time, enemy comes back at your door step and then you decide to do some Pooja and goat sacrifice. When you had already invited your enemy to come and fight with you whenever he is ready, why did you not do any special planning with some heavy duty arsenals? You had time in your hand. 

Finally, you come down on the war field. You have your army with you. You knew that your enemy does not follow any rules or ethics and your wife and kingdom are at stake and yet you go ALONE to fight him? When Shahid Kapoor is shot with arrows, why did his army also not kill his enemy with arrows? He was unarmed and not facing them... Oh, the "war ethics"... 

I would say, a one-time watch on the big screen only to enjoy the larger than life scale of the movie, beautiful costumes, Ghoomar song, Ranveer Singh and the finale scene for Jouhar. On lot of other parameters, did not quite match the expectations. But as I said, being a movie and sleep deprived mom, this movie was like a treat....