Oh, Poor us!!!

Kabhi kabhi mere dil mei khayal aata hai (Sometimes, a thought arises in my heart – literal meaning): aren’t some people made exceptionally rich and some people are exceptionally poor and then there is a middle layer of people who think that they are rich, they try to imitate rich people but little do they realise that they are actually poor.

From the past couple of months, almost all the social media platforms are filled with photographs and videos and news of Uber Rich people marrying even more Uber X Rich people (Uber and Uber X is same as Large and Extra Large). I take a look at a very graceful bride wearing the best of their wedding dresses created by Celebrity Designers and then I look at my pic as a Bride. Till so many years, I was so proud of looking so beautiful in a ‘very expensive’ lehenga (don’t you dare ask me its price) and then I see Priyanka Chopra wearing a Ralph Lauren wedding gown with 75 meters of trail which was being handled by at least 4-5 people.

I remember being fed tomato by my husband when our photographer asked for a customary pose of Bride and Groom feeding each other. Tomato because I was suffering from Jaundice. And then I look at the 6 tier Palatial Cake being cut with a sword by Nick and Priyanka. I now hate Tomatoes and probably 2 tier cakes as well, coz I still calculate the price difference between a single tier birthday cake and the 2 tier cake for my daughter’s birthday and then I always decide for a single tier one. You see, its easier to cut and manage. Money does not matter to me, I swear.

After so many ‘secretively’ conducted ceremonies of these Rich people, when the list of events came out, the immediate thought which crossed my mind was this: My wedding, total 3 major events and I almost died of getting ready, forget about giving a smiling pose to the ever intruding photographers and here they are. Changing into extravagant designer heavy costumes for 7-8 MAJOR events and yet giving that perfect ‘dream’ smile and gracious shy smile (which, btw, looked very very very fake – the ‘shy smile’ part). My brother got married with a high fever. I got married just after getting discharged from the hospital for a severe jaundice. My cousin injured his toe just before reaching his hometown for his wedding. Not that I want people to be injured or sick but how can they look so fresh and vibrant all throughout those shows, errrr, wedding ceremonies I meant?

Shows – that reminds me. It was so difficult to know if those videos were from some wedding Sangeet night or IIFA or Filmfare awards night. For one of my cousin’s wedding, my mom and other cousins somehow put together a dance on a certain song and they were very excited. When I called my mom and asked how was their ‘performance’, she cursed another poor cousin of ours coz he played the ‘remixed and faster’ version of that song and all the participants were dancing together but in different directions and on different lines.

Such accidents happen in our weddings and such accidents must happen in the weddings otherwise what will people remember those weddings for? So, all these high profile weddings of Uber X class of Indians made me think if any such stupid accident happened there. Was there any bhua/fufaji (aunt/uncle) there who cribbed just about everything? Was there any last minute shortage of Gulab Jamuns or everything was well stocked? Do these Uber X families gossip about who was wearing what and how everyone was looking after the wedding ceremonies are over or they just go back to their businesses? Did anyone shout on the hotel staff for not serving morning tea on time? Was there any immediate uncle who was in-charge of the cooking staff so that they don’t do any kind of scam by bringing 50 Kgs of potatoes but sneaking away 5 Kgs to their homes?

But yes, one and only one event made me feel really connected to one of the Uber X  rich families – the Sangeet night of The Ambanis. The Ambani men were dancing right from their hearts. The Celebrity Choreograhper might have spent numerous hours and billed crores of rupees yet the men danced with their 2 left feet – to hell with the rhythm and to hell with the World. That’s a father’s love for a daughter and brothers’ love for their sister who is getting married. And then entered the groom (Priyanka Chopra got him on the stage for Desi Girl) and I thanked God that the family got just the right man. He gelled so well with the men of the Ambani clan. Had the same 2 left feet!! I wondered if any of their multi million dollars business deals got cancelled after the stakeholders saw these men dancing like that but who cares. There were other paid celebrities who were dancing and putting up a nice IIFA show there.

Yes, one noble act that the Ambanis did was to feed around 5100 needy people. That was really commendable. But I still do not understand the need of a 3,00,000/- worth of a wedding card (from the news sources). I saw a demo online and had 2 basic questions (typical lower middle class mentality of mine) –

1. That aarti which plays on opening the card run on batteries? So, if the battery is drained out, the recipients have to put on the new batteries?

2. I am sure they might have invited many foreigner friends, the most prominent one being Ms. Hillary Clinton. Did they FedEx those big Invitation Cards to them or they personally visited them in their private Jets?

I have only 3 wedding cards left from my wedding and I diligently take them out from my bookshelf and blow away the dirt almost every 2/3 months. Had my father made a 3,00,000/- wedding invitation card for me, I might have booked a few bank lockers for them and carried them with me in every wedding within the family or friends circle - It would have worked as an expensive jewellery/accessory. I think I should check with my parents (without getting slapped in slow motion 3 times in the Ekta Kapoor serial style) if my entire jewellery which they gifted me was worth 3,00,000/- or not. If not, then I would really be heart broken (after 9 years of my wedding). If yes, then also I would want to get a little drunk and console myself.

Just now read the title of one of the news items (didn’t bother to open the article though) – “The real reason why Deepika-Ranveer has delayed their honeymoon”.

I mean, I already figured that out man!! They had a pooja ceremony, Sangeet night, Wedding – Style 1, Wedding – Style 2, Reception – Bengaluru, Reception – Mumbai1, Reception – Mumbai2, Reception – Mumbai3 (an after wedding party thrown by Ranveer’s sister), then they had Ambani Sangeet in Udaipur, Ambani Wedding – Mumbai, Ambani – Reception (not sure if they were invited to Priyanka-Nick Reception – Delhi, Priyanka – Nick Reception – Mumbai or not). Where is the time and need for the honeymoon guys??!!!

Oh, Nick-Priyanka (Nickyanka) reminds me, poor Nick (not literal poor but awwww, poor) might not have realised of how expensive his wedding and wife would turn out to be. I am more worried about them specially. Not that I want that to happen but you see, separations are very common and frequent in the West. So much spent on wedding, I honestly wish that they stay together for at least 25 years. Oh, do you think he knows that he is not the Jiju of only Parineeti Chopra? He is India’s ‘THE NICK JIJU’!!!

Anyway. I know people ‘dream’ about their weddings ever since they know the spelling of the word and would do everything within their capacities to bring the experience as close to their dream as possible but how I hoped that they could have married in a little lesser extravagant fashion so that we majority of middle class Indians would not have felt bad for our weddings...