Tuesday, July 20, 2010

I am a Multi Millionaire...

I am not saying because of any alcoholic hangover of last weekend. I am actually a Multi Millionaire. If anyone of you need some thousands or lakhs of rupees, just drop a mail to me. Such petty amounts may not affect my bank balance.

Okay, close your mouth and bring your eyes back to their normal sizes. Here I am referring to those so-called lotteries, awards and rewards from anonymous companies and contests, which keeps on sending mails claiming that I have been awarded some $1,000,000 or GBP (Great British Pound) or Yuan or what not. And to claim my prize money, I must send a mail to some bogus mail ID stating my bank account details. So, if I add up all the prize money that I have been awarded till now, I can make Bill Clinton shy away from me and hide himself in some corner of the world. I cannot help grinning on learning the fact that I am always tagged “the luckiest winner” to win this prize money over some 2500 companies' mail ID worldwide or over all the e-mail Ids of the world. I mean, its a great achievement. Can I write this achievement in my resume? Or I can even highlight myself as the luckiest person on earth to have won so many lotteries without any effort. Which company will not hire me? I may prove lucky for them as well.

But as soon as I start dreaming about these amazing prospects, some or the other friend of mine disrupts me. My friend would have also won such a lottery. Oh My God!!! Even my friend is also termed as the “luckiest” person on this earth??!!! Thats not fair. Only one of us can be the luckiest. The reality is that there might have been over million of such “luckiest” persons who have got such mails. They, obviously, have no intention to make people like us rich. If they have that intention, they'd better donate this money to someone in dire need of it. Don't know how exactly are they going to commit the crime, but it is a fraud. I will send my bank account details and further they would hack my account or do something like that or use it in some or the other fraudulent way. I don't understand why they keep sending such mails when they know that no one is going to reply back. Actually, some of the new joinees in the Internet circuit may reply back to them and they fall in such traps.

But just an advice. Never mail your bank account details or any kind of password to anyone, even if they claim to be your bank's personnel. You never know to whom you are actually sending the mail. A bank will never ask your account or login details. If any mail from your bank asks it, better call the customer care and inform them.

Ya, my bank gave me this extra gyan, which I thought to share here. But dreaming about being a multi-millionaire is just amazing. What all I can do with just a million rupees...!!! Anyways, back to reality and back to work... Be Safe... CHEERS !!!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

The Small Wonder...

They opened the tank and put in two boxes containing his food and a flag on each of the boxes and closed the tank again...
He looked at the boxes...
"Oh, I am not hungry right now. Why have these stupid people kept the boxes now?"
They were looking at him curiously...
"Ok, which box should I open first? Whats the menu buddy? Oh, they are not responding. And please, stop staring at me. No cameras please. I need some privacy, am growing old"
They were still looking at him...
"Fine. I will eat now. Which box? Akad-bakad-bambe-bo.... assi nabhe poore sau....sau mei laga dhaga...chor nikal ke BH-AA-GAA. OK, I will eat the food in the right hand side box"

And as soon as he opened that box, everyone exclaimed and shouted and hundreds of cameras started flashing....

"Can't I even eat in silence? Go away you stupid human beings. I will quit this job otherwise and I am serious. Oh, today its Mussels in the menu"

"He predicted Spain as the FIFA 2010 winner. Long live PAUL- THE WONDER OCTOPUS....", the stupid human beings were still shouting at the top of their voices and within few hours the news was on all the news channels and Internet news and by next day in all the leading newspapers.

Well, Hi, I am Paul. Paul- The Wonder Octopus, as you people call me fondly. I hatched in Januray 2008 and started this prediction job during Euro 2008 matches. Though, I got this worldwide love and attention only recently, during FIFA 2010 world cup with my 100% accurate predictions.

You won't know, but I have a real tragic story of my life. Many people are fighting over for me. Not after I came in this job, but the fight started even before that. Few people want me to lead a normal octopus life, in the sea. But other well wishers want me to stay in this confined, safe and secured tanks, simply because they know that I may not be able to hunt for my own food. I love the latter guys.

Whats more... I get the food in my bedroom and I eat and that makes a headline. WOW!!! I mean, who won't want a life like that? There are so many sharp brains who are studying as to how my predictions can be 100% accurate. But, its simple you see. I am almost color blind so I cannot make out the difference between German flag and other flags. Oh, Germany, by the way is my current home. So, my predictons are not always skewed towards Germany. But I normally do akad-bakad-bambe-bo and decide which box to open first. I anyways get to eat both the boxes. Or, I first check whats in the menu and which box is decorated better. I choose that. Or, I just read the newspaper in the morning and comes to know which team most of the human beings want to be chosen by me and I choose the other one. Its important. Just to keep people hooked on to me. I have to keep up their interest levels.

But now, I may just retire now. They say that octopuses normally live on an avergae for two years only. So, I may die before UEFA Euro 2012. But hey, just type "Paul octopus" on Google and you may get 10,400,000 results for me. I am just loving it.

Take care you human beings and please transfer my share of the bets that you have won because of me in my account urgently. CHEERS !!!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Sab Bandh...

On 5th July, the opposition called for a Nationwide Bandh (Bharat Bandh) to protest against the soaring price rise of fuel and commodities. We also got off from our offices. But our companies were not shut down because they (or we) were supporting the protest but for security reasons. I have not seen any such protest going peaceful. Every time there has to be violence, and the blame game by top party people in some news room. Ruling party supporting its move and opposition party crying out against the violence by police on the "silent" protesters.

We, the sufferers, on behalf of whom these parties call nationwide bandhs and other protests, never asked them to torch public buses, abuse anyone on road, throw stones on public buildings, harass the shopkeepers and dismantle their shops, which they might have set up after pumping in their investments of life time. But we are always the part of these successful bandhs. Read in today's newspaper that wedding of a girl was attended by only handful of people in Pune because they chose to remain indoors instead of attending the wedding and facing any untoward incident which might take place. It must have been the dream of both the families that the wedding should be attended by all their near and dear ones and they might have put in lot of money but thanks to this forced protest, all the arrangements looked like a sheer wastage of money.

I am not supporting the price rise. I am not saying that opposition should not protest. I am not saying that I am okay with this price rise. I am not sad that I got a day off from the office. But the protest could have been peaceful. Let the corporates come forward and close their operations in support of the cause rather than citing the security reasons. I am looking for one valid reason for torching the buses and other vehicles. They threw stones on the government offices. Fine, currently these offices are held by those against whom you are protesting but the same offices would be used by this opposition once they get the power. Even if they do not use the same offices, but it was not built for personal use by personal money. The money used to build those buildings came from us. And I cannot find any participation from the civilians. Those who comes out on road are attacked either by the police or the protesters, who are the party workers. If the bandh/protest is held for our benefit, then why are we attacked? Why do we fear to go out on the road during that time?

First let the politicians decide over who is going to get the ultimate benefit out of such protests- their party or us, the civilians of India? Next, decide if the protests have to be peaceful or violent. If peaceful, then make sure that you pass strict orders to your own party workers that anyone involved in violent activity would be punished (and actually punish them), rather than, announcing a peaceful protest in front of media and at the same time instructing their own workers to initiate violence and then take sympathy in newsroom discussions that their workers were peaceful but the police dragged them like dogs. Dear ministers, we also know who was dragging whom and why. But whatever anyone says, the bandhs and protests are held not in our interest but as a deep rooted conspiracy by the opposition parties against the ruling parties. We are and we will always be at loss.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

I Hate Luv Storys

When the name itself is wrong, how can the movie be right? Luv? Storys? I guess the spellings are Love and Stories respectively. I was eagerly looking forward to this movie mainly because of two of its songs: the title track and "Jab Mila Tu". "Bin Tere" song is also nice. Starring Imran Khan and Sonam Kapoor and don't like any of them, though I am surprised why girls are crazy about Imran and Sonam is tagged as most stylish and beautiful actress of Bollywood. Imran Khan is an expressionless actor, yet to show his forte. I mean, in emotional scenes, it seems that he is giggling, only to be realized that actually he was sobbing. Yet to see his romantic side and he is camera conscious. My personal recommendation for him as far as his looks are concerned: Please change your hair style (though there is not much scope left there, but if Sunny Deol can get his hair straight and Salman Khan got new hair altogether, anything is possible in Bollywood), please do something about your eye brows (they are so thick, looks like those of Kroor Singh of Chandrakanta) and please don't show of your body till you get atleast 4 packs and some more flesh (your mamu looks way better and charming than you). You looked starving in that song (Sajda). I thought, only Arjun Rampal is expressionless, but you are giving tough competition to him.

Sonam Kapoor. Not much to say about her. She is okay in the movie, though, obviously will take her few more movies to be called a sensational actress, she has some potential, I guess. Thanks to media, she is made famous for her "style icon" image. But yes, she was much much better than Imran.

The movie was a satire on Karan Johar's movie and the character Veer, the director in the movie, is totally based on KJ. I believe, KJ was aware of the fact that he is being made fun of in this movie (he is the producer of this film) and so KJ agrees that he makes same type of movies and labelling them "Different" but has got magic to keep the audience hooked to his movies. Veer is making a film in this movie and while making it what all happens with Imran and Sonam, how they realized that they love each other and imagined themselves in place of the main leads of that film. Imran, again I am stuck with him, could not carry his Casanova image. Please take few tips from Salman Khan (he has played Casanova in dozen movies). But I must compliment him for pulling off the title song nicely. Though, he still was conscious but atleast he danced well. Only if the film that was being made in the movie could have properly used the other romantic movies, it could have turned well. Why was Puja Ghai (the main lead in Veer's movie) shown as Anushka Sharma of Tujhme Rab Dikhta Hai and then Rani Mukherjee of Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna and then Aishwarya Rai of Mohabatein?? What kind of character was that? Only to pick up famous shots of all the love stories was not justified. Anyways. The movie was enjoyable in the first half and in the second half also, except when Sonam confessed of being in love with Imran and till Imran also realized that he is also falling for Sonam, this part was boring. Scene of Dil Chahta Hai was stolen and used here: When Imran calls his mom after many years (his mom used to call him) and she sensed that he was not being normal (though, he was anyways speaking flatly, I wonder how his mom sensed that her son was crying) and Imran breaks down. In this scene in DCH, Imran's mamu made me cry and here, I was laughing when Imran's eyes were not showing any sign of tears and he looked stupid when he was so-called crying. When Imran's friends make plan and is shown executing it. Stolen from Kal Ho Na Ho. The most irritating thing being: "idhar udhar ki baatein, waherah wagerah"

All in all. This movie was okay types and could have been watched on DVD, instead of going to theater.

(PS: All the Imran Khan fans, forgive me for reviewing Imran more than the movie but could not stop myself)

Friday, July 2, 2010

I am on Diet

Well, thats not what I am on. I cannot do dieting. Ironically, I am the one who has fallen sick so many times and so had been on boiled food kind of diet. But it has never been my initiative.

I wonder why people undergo dieting and what exactly it is. Is it to make your body slim trim and fit quickly and then go back to normal diet or to make your body healthier and stick to the same diet forever? Though, mostly I have seen people taking the first option. Will avoid all fried and oily food, no junk food, no beverages, boiled stuff, lots of salad, exercises etc etc. But as soon as the weight and waist size comes in their preferred limits, boiled stuff is labeled as "Food for Sick People ONLY", coke bottles are back in fridge, exercises can be skipped for a week.

Few days back I was thinking that in such early age, my generation is facing shoulder pain, heart strokes, diseases which we have never heard about, early death, such limited appetite and all. But our parents have started getting them now only (touch wood). What will happen to us when we reach their age? Or will we even survive healthily till that age? I walk up the stairs to 4th floor and I get tired and heavy breath and crash land on my bean bag. But my father used to cycle many miles when my grand father was constructing his home at Jaipur. What should we concentrate on? Biceps, triceps and 6-pack abs or healthy muscles and strong stomach? Who is to blame for this? I guess, so many things happened all at the same time resulting in this situation.

Population grew drastically but not the production and thus started the practice of artificial ways to increase the production by means of adulteration. Now when we say, Pure Ghee, it actually is not pure. Even if we make it at home, it is ultimately coming from the packed milk, which may not be pure.

As I say, packed milk, thats another reason. People started migrating from their home to other places for earning more money and thus came the need to make packed food available for such people. These days you go to any super market and everything is available in ready made form. Ready-to-eat chapathis, all sorts of vegetables, tomato puree, ginger garlic paste, frozen peas. Then why would I make an extra effort of peeling of garlic or wash and cut tomatoes and make a puree out of it?

More than that, other lucrative snacks, claiming themselves healthy food have made us addictive. Maggi, wafers, chips, cokes, packed juices, nuggets, etc. If we don't have any one of them in our home, it feels as if something is missing.

Fast food is the solution for lack of time to prepare food at home. How-so-ever costly they are, but I would want them once a week. Even though I know that they are costly and not healthy and that I am not doing any physical activity to burn out the calories that I put on with the junk and packed food, but I can't resist. Get up exactly on time and drive to office, sit in front of the most amazing innovation of our life, computers, have lunch, have coffee and tea at desk, move a bit here and there, drive back home, eat, watch idiot box and sleep. Though, few of us are trying to make exceptions and burn calories in gym but thats artificial health. Iota of us cycle to work. I play at max 4-5 games of TT in a day, go home and munch on my favorite wafers. Its not about eating oil free food but healthy and unadulterated food. Even the green vegetables are full of pesticides.

I want to live a long and healthy life, without a joint pain till I turn 50. Is it possible?? I am seriously worried about us now...