The Lockdown Uncles & Aunts

Before I get into the actual objects of my post, let me give a quick little background about the real life uncles and aunties that I am going to compare them with.

Most of my North Indian friends would immediately understand. For the benefit of my non-North Indian friends - in every family - immediate or a little distant - there are always those uncles and aunties who are given undue respect specially during a wedding in the family even if they practically do no work except cribbing about almost everything.

“So late in serving the dinner”

“What kind of return gifts are these? Huh… In my daughter’s wedding, I gave them so much and yet this is what I got”

“Food was bland and absolutely cold”

“Why are they dancing so much on this loud music?”

“Chalo, finally he got married, though the girl is just okay in looks. God only knows what did they see in her”

… and many such useless dialogues.

Most of the hard work is always done by the groom or bride’s parents, brothers, sisters, sister-in-laws and even friends. This breed of relatives does nothing except such cribbing and yet they are placed on the pedestal by the groom or bride’s parents and showered with gifts.

Anyway. I almost always get pretty excited about weddings and what all goes behind the scenes. But I promise, this post is not about the weddings. I just wanted to give a background of the nature of such “unique relatives”. It’s true that I am missing attending any weddings and the food and the gossip. Shush… Stop… No more wedding talks.

So, recently we celebrated the bright Indian festival of Diwali and with Diwali comes a strange tradition of cleaning the house. It’s good in a way but very tiring. This year while taking this annual tradition forward, I gave special attention to some of the things in the house and could not help but compare them with those uncles and aunties that I just explained above. 

Now, everyone of you definitely has at least one such uncle or aunty in your family. Think about them and read the rest of the post.

Because of the lockdown and compulsory Work From Home for the majority of us, some of these things have been savagely ignored exactly as the family ignores those uncles and aunties.

Wrist Watches - 

I love wearing wrist watches and was almost about to give myself one on this birthday but then lockdown happened. Four of our watches (mine and Mr. Husband’s) are placed right in the center of our home. Although, poor fellows have been ignored. Yesterday, after a really long time, I thought to wear one and guess how it behaved? Just like that uncle of yours that you have kept in your mind.

“I have been here only for several months. You did not even check me or pick me up or wear me. Now, you want to show off. No. I will not work”

Poor fellow did not realize that I already had it’s replacement - the mobile phone.

IGNORED!

Formal/Party footwear - 

The doors of our wooden shoe rack expanded when it was raining very hard in Hyderabad. Then they shrunk back to their original size and the cycle repeated a couple of times. However, they were never opened since March 2020 for many months. No office or school, no party or outing - no shoes. Only chappals. 

Finally, one day my husband announced that he is taking our daughter downstairs for cycling and she excitedly opened the rack (with great difficulty - saw the face of your uncle?) and tried one pair of shoes after another. None fitted her. All tight.

“You forgot that you used to wear me whenever you went downstairs for playing? Now, you have not looked after me for several months. I will not fit in”

Poor party bellies helped her for a few weeks and then we went to Decathlon and got her a new pair of sports shoes. 

IGNORED YET AGAIN!

Again, for Diwali, our cousin invited us over for dinner and I decided to wear my high heels footwear that I bought last December. I lay in the same position for many months and when I took her out, the strap just refused to get back in its shape. It took me some time (read: pleading) to convince it to get back in shape so that I can wear it and take it with me to the party. It obliged. I wore them. Thanked and have stuffed it back in the same place only to be seen next year. Yes, I cheated this “aunty” of mine.

Formal shirts/trousers/Indian wear - 

Normally (pre-lockdown) whenever I would clean Mr. Husband’s wardrobe, I would neatly place the formal shirts and trousers on the middle shelf - the most sought after berth of the almirah and the t-shirts would be kept on the top shelf since they were used only on Fridays or weekends. 

Similarly, my office kurtas and leggings.

Ever since the work from home had started (March, 2020), the new formals are the T-shirts and track pants or shorts and so the positions changed. I know, the “uncles and aunties” felt bad however, those who are helpful would get the best place. Ain't it?

One day I announced to my wardrobe that they are going to get new friends soon since Lifestyle had put up a stall in my apartment’s Club House. My office wears got excited and “proud”. Poor fellows felt IGNORED yet again when I introduced them with my new track pants and T-shirts.

Occasionally, I give them some (undue) respect and wear them. They feel happy. Then I wash them, iron them, fold them nicely and back in the cupboard to be seen after many weeks. While I am sweating hard to lose a few kilograms from my body and a couple of inches from my waist, these “uncles and aunties” sitting in my cupboard are praying hard that I gain extra weight and inches so that I could not fit into those. But little are they aware that I can always order big size T-shirts and new relatives (read: kurtis & leggings).

There were several other such “uncles and aunties” in my home (car battery was another one, btw). Tell me what are your “ignored-during-lockdown/WFH” objects or things in your home in the comments section below.

The Struggle is Real

You remember watching those romantic scenes or songs in several Bollywood movies in rain? The heroine looks sensuous and the hero most desirable. The setting and mood takes you to the other world. You are happy, almost immersed in the scene...

"What the hell? Close that window. The rain has just changed the direction. Leave that one closed for now. Hurry up or that rain will make our bed wet." 

Did the reality hit you? I hate Bollywood movies for this. The colorful funky colleges, love at first sight, and the romantic rain sequences. All fake.

Come back to the real middle class flat dweller's life and here is how the rainy season looks like:

1. The rain does not fall down straight. The serious spell of rain is accompanied with wind and makes it fall in any direction but straight down. For people like us, who took pride in owning the corner flat, it's the payback time. We keep on running around to close and open the windows as per the rain's direction.
2. When we were small children, we used to enjoy the smell of the rain. Now, the rainy season does not bring that earthy smell but whatever smell it brings, it sure immerse itself into everything. The cloths, the food, the books, the bed-sheet, the cupboard, the child, parents, husband, myself - everyone and everything carries the same smell - of dampness.
3. For a mother of a 6 yo, the only part of the flat that provides some privacy and "me time" is the washroom. Take your phone or take your book or just nothing but closing the washroom door's latch brings that relief. Come rain and the wooden doors swell up. They just refuse to close. Now, I am forced to use the washroom for its original use. No more that peaceful corner cos the door does not close. 
4. The ginger tea... Wow. Is it? When the monsoon gets in the full swing, 90% of the family members start coughing. Now the ginger is not used to make tea to accompany the pakodas but to make the kaadha for the coughing members. 
5. You sure feel sleepy or you want to spend some cozy time in your bedroom. Nah ah. Your bed, the chairs and any available space that you can see has your cloths spread out. The cloths washed today takes a free trip of the entire house throughout the day and finally is ready for you to wear after 4 days. If you are in hurry to wear them, iron them up.
6. How much time you spent to decide the color and texture of your walls? Thoughtfully handpicked wall decorations... Well, the continuous rain has left a sweet love bite on your walls. You see that? That wet damp patch. 

Hollywood movies are one step ahead. Jurassic Park, Godzilla, Titanic and so on. How much water they might have wasted to shoot them? Anyway. In those Hollywood movies, their phones continue to work even when they have been getting wet. My bloody phone starts misbehaving even when I pick it up with 3 wet fingers! Their cars, phones, guns, heroines - everything works. Here, just seeing the clouds, our Tata Sky and electricity goes off. 

And the most irritating moment award goes to - when the sky goes pitch dark and it starts with a drizzle. You start feeling happy. You dash out to take the cloths stand inside to save your almost dried up cloths from getting wet again. It rains for.... full 3 minutes and then the clouds fly away and the sun smiles back at you. Almost mockingly. 

No power, coughing family members, damp flat full of wet cloths and closed windows and doors. That's what the real monsoon looks like. I am not 

even talking about the flood hit areas. 

"Rim jhim gire saawan"

"Ek ladki bheegi bhaagi si"

"Jo haal dil ka"

....

....

like, seriously?

Hats off to the Teachers

Alright. So many a times my husband had suggested me to take up the teaching job. Though, I had almost every time declined it since I am struggling with my one child at home and cannot even fathom the thought of being surrounded by 20 toddlers or teenagers. But secretly even I wanted to take up teaching since I am very good at giving the gyaan and “explaining” things in real good details. I know, that’s not the only attribute of being a teacher. The most important quality that one must possess, especially if you want to teach pre-primary or primary students, is PATIENCE, which I clearly lack.

Anyway. With COVID hit situation around the world, my daughter was lavishly enjoying her “holidays” and being away from school and seeing her parents 24 X 7 around her. Suddenly, to her utter shock, her school announced starting virtual classes. No, it was not her who was shocked, it was her mommy, uhhhh – I. She was happy but we were apprehensive about those virtual classes, that too she got the afternoon slot of 12:15 till 3:00 PM. For the first time in probably five years, I really liked my husband’s work schedule which starts post-lunch. For all these years, I would hate it. But his schedule means that most of the days, he could lend his laptop for our daughter’s classes and be around her instead of me. But an invisible pact signed among us – first preference, Mr. Husband’s laptop and time; second – mine and if both of us have any meetings/urgent office work, then it’s her grandmother’s iPad and she would go through the torture of being around her. Errr… I mean, she would be around her if she needs any assistance.

Day 1 – Connect and Bond session – went well. Kids were happy, teacher was able to engage them, and we got some time to feel happy that our daughter is happily eating away her teacher’s head.

Day 2 – Started off really well. Were amazed at her teachers’ patience and how they were handling the kids and sometimes their parents as well, since some of the kids had to also switch the online links for Language classes.

Day 3 – Oh, we have settled down now. All good. I just happened to come to the same room where my daughter was taking her classes and decided to sit down to have my lunch. That was their music class. Smiling to myself, I even went back to my school days where my music teacher would always struggle with me. And that’s when I heard one of the classmates of our daughter call out for his Music Sir’s attention.

Boy – “Sirrrrr”

Teacher – “Yes my child”

Boy – “Sirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr”

Teacher – “Yes beta. Tell me”

Boy – “Sirrrr. When will ma’am (their class teacher) come back? This class is soooooooo boring”

I almost missed the bite and I and my husband looked at each other with our respective mouths open.

Our Daughter – “Yes Sirrrrrrrrrr. This is such a boring class”

My mouth managed to open even more bigger.

We tried to exchange some warnings to our daughter with our big wide eyes. She was courteous enough to put herself on mute and tell us – “what? This is really a very boring class”

When we asked her why, since we saw that she was enjoying the song her teacher was teaching? She was like, “yeah, I know but its sooooooooooo boring” (while literally making a big round circle with her head and upper half body).

Thankfully, music teacher’s supporting teacher came to his rescue and engaged the kids by teaching some virtual classes protocols and igniting some excitement by telling that sir will now teach the song along with the instrument. Kids came back on track and I managed to finish up my food. Some kids here and there were like – “Sirrrr, I want to go to the washroom”, “Sir, I am hungry. I want to have food”, “Sir, when will this class get over”

Day 4 – Again, started off really well. Kids were showing off how “wonderfully” they spent the weekend. Post lunch was the Dance class.

Sir started off by making the required adjustments to the sound, laptop screen, placing kids away from laptops and so on.

One of the boys – “Sirrrrrrrrrrrrrr”

Teacher – “Yes beta. First you learn these steps and then I will listen to all of you”

Boy – “Sirrrrrrrrrrrr”

Teacher – “Yes. Tell me”

Boy – “Sirrrr. You are looking like a girl”

Teacher – “Is it? Why do you say so beta?”

(silence – clearly the boy’s parent has put him on mute while being hidden away from the camera)

Teacher – with a smile, he literally checked himself – trouser all good, t-shirt is fine, shoes all okay. “Alright beta. Doesn’t matter. Just enjoy the dance”

It’s just been four days of virtual classes and I already have two things to share - 

1. Teachers have put in immense work and dedication to make sure that they are able to teach the kids as much as  possible without wasting their year, even if that means working for longer hours by taking the same sessions twice a day or working even after the classes to prepare teaching material so that they can pass on the concepts to the kids virtually as well. Our curriculum and the teaching material were not “virtual ready” but they had made it. Hats off to all the teachers.
2. Secondly, I am not going to take up teaching ever. The way our daughter’s teachers have been handling a group of 15 toddlers with such patience and smiles on their faces, if I had been in their places, either I would have disconnected the call or given an earful to them.

We have all sort of parents.

Some of us wanted schools to start the classes, even if online, since it’s so hard to keep them engaged with our own office work and any further delay would mean a rushed session for this year. Some of us do not want online classes since it means “even more” screen time, or we don’t have proper resources to support online classes.

Some of us think that teachers cannot get or give the required attention with online classes. Some of us think that ample attention is being given.

Some of us see it as the new mechanism from schools to “extort” more money from us in the name of supporting infrastructure for virtual classes. Some of us understand that it’s required in this time when we don’t know when will schools go back to “normal” on-campus operations.

Whichever type of parents you may encounter, know this that we have immense respect for all the wonderful teachers. Their work has increased manifold. What they would teach once in a day, they now are teaching twice a day to maintain a small group for virtual classes.

All the resources which they had in school are now hand-made or managed by them.

They have to spend extra time and so much more effort to prepare teaching material so that they can pass on the concepts to their students during virtual sessions, which are so different than physical classroom sessions.

The amount of energy spent on making everyone maintain the decorum, the patience to listen to all the banters from the students and yet bringing them back on track and getting their attention to take the huge yearly syllabus forward.

From our side – whoever can afford to attend the virtual classes, we should help them by making sure that our kids – younger or older ones – understands the importance of joining the classes on time, being on mute when teacher is talking and listening to instructions properly.

It’s a different time which needs to be dealt with differently. They are trying their best to teach our kids. We better respect them and their efforts. Yeah, I do have grievances but that’s with the school. Not the teachers.

कौनसी घड़ी थी वो?

जाने कौनसी वो घड़ी थी जब दिल मे शादी करने की बात ने जगह बनाई थी
आज तक सोच रही हूँ के वो आग किसने लगायी थी

कुछ दिन पहले तक रात रात भर जागकार नए तरीके सोचती थी, के आये हुये रिश्तों में कौनसी खामी निकाली जाए
अचानक से मन में ख्याल आया के इस मिठाई को भी चखी जाए

एक दिन भाभी ने एक रिश्ता ढूंढ के मम्मी पापा को बता दिया
हमने भी बिना सोचे समझे उनमे इंटरेस्ट दिखा दिया

दिल और पेट में अजीब सी घबराहट तो तब हुई जब थोड़े ही दिनो में माता पिता उनके घर पहुंच गये
पहली बार तब एहसास हुआ के बेटा, अब तो बुरी तरह से फस गए

भगवान ने भी इतने में हार नही मानी
लड़के की पोस्टिंग उन्हीं दिनो मेरे ही शहर बैंगलोर में करवा डाली

बात फिर थोड़ी और आगे बड़ी। अंदर से फीलिंग हुई के ये पंगा तो लेना पड़ेगा
हमने सोचा, डरना क्या, कौनसा हमको कोई एक ही बार में देख कर पसंद कर लेगा

हद तो उस दिन पार हो गई जब लड़के वालों ने मिलने के बाद अगले ही  दिन हाँ कर दी
खुद को आईने में देख के भगवान को बोला, आपने तो आज लिमिट ही क्रॉस कर दी

आँखो के सामने अन्धेरा छाने लगा, फिर भी हमने हार नही मानी
शादी से बचने के अपने पुराने बहानो की लिस्ट बना डाली

एक एक करके वो बहाने मम्मी को सुनाये
वो हर बहाने को फुल्ल तोस्स (full toss) पे उड़ाये जाये

"दिल्ली का रहने वाला हैं, कितना कम बोलता हैं"
मम्मी ने कहा के इससे अच्छी बात भी भला कोई सोच सकता है

शादी से पहले मत निकालो लड़के में इतनी कमिया
वरना शादी के बाद कैसे निकलोगी हर बात में गल्तियां

2020 में पूरे हो गये हमारी शादी के 10 साल
अभी तक कुछ खास समझ नही आया हैं के किसने किसका किया है ज़्यादा बुरा हाल

चलती रहे सालो साल गाड़ी हमारी इसी confusion में
वैसे, बेटी पूरा फायदा उठाती हैं हमारी इस situation में

- निकिता

वक़्त कहाँ हैं

वक़्त कहाँ हैं किसी के पास दो पल ठहरने का
गौर से देखना अपने दोस्त को, उसके चेहरे को पढ़ने का
वो जो हसी लिये बैठा हैं मेरा दोस्त अपने चेहरे पे
अंदर की है खुशी या ज़रिया हैं गम छुपाने का
वक़्त कहाँ हैं किसी के पास दो पल ठहरने का

मैने पूछा उससे ऐ दोस्त कैसे हो तुम
उसने हस के कह दिया के बस खुश हूँ मैं, हुँ अपने काम में गुम
मैने उसकी बातों पे विश्वास करके अपने खुद के गम को दबा लिया
यही सोचा के क्या फायदा उसको अपने दुख का भागीदार बनाने का
वक़्त कहाँ हैं किसी के पास दो पल ठहरने का

- निकिता 

Human Beings - The Trivial Race

To all those

• who would ignite communal clashes for political gains
• who would smuggle things to make big bucks
• who want more power to rule the "world"
• who would stoop down to unbelievable levels to malign someone for sadistic pleasure
• who would throw acid on any who refuses their proposal
• who would curse and kill a girl child
• who cribbed that their life is hell
• who want more and more money and attention
• who did scams after scams
• who tortured and burnt their wife/daughter-in-law for dowry
• who run land, sand, drug mafias
• and many more... basically the entire human race who think that they are the supreme race and one of them will rule the entire race and the planet.

Do you now see that we are such a trivial part of the entire universe?

Do you now see that we are scared to death and confined to our nests because of an invisible virus?

That money, power, fame, land, gold, position, property - nothing, nothing is more precious than being alive, being with the family, being with loved ones.

I am ashamed that I was shouting at and fighting with my daughter when I was confined in my room attending to my office calls and all she wanted was to share the frame.

We have been sharing jokes and forwards about how difficult it is to work from home with your kids around and how we should become creative in keeping them engaged. I think they were looking for a little bit of our time and yes, engagement. Now that some of us have become creative on how to engage them while we work, I wonder where was this creativity before this forceful confinement?

My company had announced such employee friendly ways to work from home and we are figuring out how to connect with each other and share a laugh and keep everyone engaged and motivated. But the moment we would be back in the offices, all that would matter would be "meet the deliverable". I myself would shut out my daughter if I would work from home under the 'normal' circumstances because that's not an acceptable and I totally agree but I can't help but wonder why can't we be always that empathetic with each other?

This virus has made us empathetic about others - "I should be careful with my habits so I don't transmit it to anyone else and this pandemic is contained and ended." I am being careful for my family and friends, yes, but even for all those fellow human beings whom I come in contact with several times of the day without even realizing it. Yes, we are being overtly cautious but even after this ends, I hope that we all carry this empathy and hygienic habits at least 50% of what we are doing now.

We all clapped for our medics, support staff and several community helpers on 22nd March because they stepped out of their homes to be right in the center of the war zone to keep our lives going. But I clapped for those who did that genuinely and always does - not only in the hour of crisis. This applaud should also hit the hearts of those of the community helpers who does not do their duties sincerely otherwise. Yes, I am not ashamed of calling out that there are several doctors, medics, policemen, teachers and so on who run scams, take bribe and take us for a ride under the name of "I spent so much money on my education and now is the time for me to eat the fruits" theory. All of you have been blessed with a beautiful power to heal, safeguard and nurture this world. Yes. I clapped for you all also. 

But, once all of this comes to an end and we step out back onto the streets and to our workplaces, I wish all of us to step out as a lot more humble and thankful people.

Mother Earth is using up this time to rapidly recuperate from all the pollution and exploitation that we had been subjecting her to since several years non-stop. Animals are roaming around fearless because they know they will not be killed/poached.

Human race has done a lot of damage to their own home and almost every century has given us one big tight slap to introspect our actions. We cry, we suffer, we blame God and we are forgiven but every time we come out of that crisis, we come out even more meaner. 

All the mafias would be back in the business, all the 'MEN - the stronger ones' would be back harassing and raping women, all the rich and powerful kids would start using their family names for being unfair, all the politicians would restart resorting to dirty games for their vote banks, all the thankfulness would vanish, all the empathy would be limited back only for our immediate family, we will start polluting the earth with our stupid ways of living, we will throw away the sanitizers and soaps. We are a trivial yet such an asshole race. 

Kill Kill Kill

Find a girl or child alone, rape and kill her.

Someone refuses your proposal, kill them.

Someone does not give you side on the road even after your stupid honking, curse them and if possible, follow and kill them.

Not getting the property from your parents who btw nurtured you, harass them, beat them and then kill them.

A child does not complete the homework or poor parents did not pay the fees for "education/knowledge" which you impart, brutally beat up the child.

Suspect your spouse of infidelity, poison them.

Find an empty road, push the acceletor and fly and may be kill yourself and others too.

Even if you don't find an empty road but as per you, you have some emergency like going for a party or reaching office (when btw you should have left your home on time), honk honk honk and finally hit someone and injure them or kill them.

I mean, it has become so very easy and obvious to take someone's life. I don't get what I want, I can just kill someone. Not a big deal anymore...

Just spot a girl alone or get her to you in case you already know her, brutally rape her and kill her.

Such carelessness on road. Drunken driving cases, overspeeding, losing control of the vehicle, the way people mindlessly cross the roads...

I am a mother and I know how much we dreamt of and prepared to bring a new life. Nurtured her in my womb, husband took my utmost care and when she came in the world, all of us made a comfortable coocoon around her to keep her safe.

But everyday she goes away from us into this bad world who cares nothing about her or us. Who is she? Who am I? Who is my husband? Nobody will give a second's thought before overspeeding and killing me. Nobody will see how delicate the child is. Nobody will understand that my husband is the world for his family.

Some stupid youngster would get drunk, get behind the wheels of his swanky car and kill people on the road.

Yes. Do meditation. Don't think about these things. The world is beautiful. There is still some humanity left. There are good samaritans.

Everything fair but not thinking about something does not mean that its not happening and all of us are vulnerable. All of us. I can't close my eyes, meditate and say that I and my family are safe. Nothing can happen to us. It can.

When a superstar shared how he and his wife feel unsafe here and pondering to move out of India, everybody tainted them as traitors but I ask, why? They were thinking about their safety. Are you okay to see your daughter or friend being raped and murdered and still say that everything is fine? No. Everything is not fine.

My heart goes out to the young Vet doctor who sensed danger when she saw few strangers around her and her fear turned true. Raped and burnt to ashes.

I cried reading the news that a drunk BMW driver who was booked twice earlier as well for the same offence killed a young techie, whose mother is already is coma since past few monhs coz she was also hit by some vehicle at the time of her morning walk.

My blood boils when a teacher mercilessly hits a small child because his parents failed to pay the fees. You are a teacher for God's sake. You give education.

Kids sleeping next to their parents are picked up for child or sex trafficking. I can't even imagine the pain of the parents of knowing that they would never be able to see their child ever and the poor soul would be tortured, given pain, sold and thrown into a dark world.

Just because someone's daughter married a boy out of their caste, they kill them in the broad daylight?! I mean, HOW? How can a father think to kill the daughter he brought in this world just because she married someone out of their caste? You can be angry. You may not talk to her forever but kill her?

Every time I read any such news, I wonder about the moment when the accused may have thought "oh, a girl alone. Let me rape her. What will happen after that? I will burn her. Who will catch me? Nothing will happen"

or

"That idiot has guts to marry my daughter. Let me kill them both"

This is nationwide mental sickness which is catching up. We don't talk anymore. We don't argue anymore to sort out. We are not afraid anymore before committing such heinous crimes.

It's just that we don't eat human flesh but apart from that we are actually the Cannibals. Can we hang some of these cannibals? And btw, if any of the rapists would be hanged - if at all - then our 24X7 media would make him a hero during his last journey and garner sympathy for him. Will show his old parents, how he was an innocent young boy, get few illiterate ministers for debate - they themselves must have either raped or sexually assaulted many - but they would shout and debate that hanging someone is not the solution.

I say SHUT UP. Hanging them one by one and quickly is the only solution for now.

Yes. It's not okay to rape and kill someone or drink & drive and overspeed on the roads or torture your parents for property... It's not okay to do all these and yet pay some hefty amount and get out on bail, because who can kill once, can kill one more time. Yes, Country needs to be feel fearful before committing any crime. That moment when some idiot decides to commit a crime, that moment should send chills down his or her spine that if caught, I would be hanged and nobody will save me.

The only thing that we are not doing is eating human flesh but otherwise we are all Cannibals. Humans have become human prey.