Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Dangerous Obsessions

A lady in Jaipur slit the throat of her 4 month old baby girl...
A lady in some city in UP, threw her sister-in-law's few months old baby boy out of the window out of jealousy since she herself had 2 or 3 daughters and her sister-in-law gave birth to a boy...
Both these incidents did not take place in some rural remote part of India, these heinous crimes were committed in Tier 2 cities of India. The lady from Jaipur, I read, was a Delhi University pass out. And these ladies wanted BOYS...

And these incidents took place barely a month after 3 girls made India proud in Olympics, apart from some amazing performances from other girls who unfortunately could not win the medals but made the world sit up and notice them. 

What is our obsession with having boys? What's so special about them? Probably, they can't be raped. Or, they don't have to give the dowry. Or, they can beat up some one. 

Couple of incidents where sons of some petty MLAs or MPs kicked and thrashed and killed someone just because they did not give them a way for overtaking on the road. Some powerful goons or what we call chamchas of our 'Leaders' refuse to pay any toll just because they are related to the bade saab. If someone dares to stop them, they vandalize the toll booths. Did their mothers wanted to give birth to boys for doing these glorious activities?

You grow a boy instilling the fact in him that HE is the supreme power and girls are nothing in comparison with a boy, they will end up raping a girl. In fact, throwing out their own parents from their house.

You nurture a girl without making them ever feel anything lesser than boys, you will probably get her love and support for your entire life and she might even make the world notice her. I completely fail to understand why the females themselves are obsessive about having boys? Because, they were made to grow up to do nothing else in their life apart from getting married, running a house, become a Birth machine and get their kids married.

You let go the expectation of dowry from your prospective future daughter-in-law, you bring in a daughter in your home who will love you unconditionally. You keep on demanding and expecting dowry, you just bring in a girl in your house, who will hate you from her core. Moreover, she will possibly grow into that lady from Jaipur who would kill her own daughter.

It's up to the parents to make the girls set some goals for themselves in their lives. It's not only for boys to do something different with their lives - becoming a cricketer or a rock star or a photographer or a journalist. Yes, the girls should get married and so does boys. Yes, she has to take care of her home and so should the boys. She too can have her own life, her own ambitions, he own friend circle, her own goals, her own passions to follow. Don't pull her down when she is enthusiastic about her dreams, reminding her always that she has a husband, a baby and in-laws and society to take care of. A boy also has a wife, a baby and in-laws and society to take care of. Why, in that case, HE is not reminded of all that?

We have seen so many girls coming from highly orthodox families who denied them basic rights to sanitation and education but they have made everyone proud. Why do they have to struggle their way up always? Probably, that's a wrong statement that I just made. Without supporting my numbers with any fact, why 90% of the girls have to struggle to come out of their closet and shine? Why we, the Educated class, still don't think that our girls can be a sportswoman or a full time artist or a journalist or a bike rider? Why we still frown upon the girls who are not married even when they are 32 years old? Why we still want our daughters to have long hair, wear traditional Indian cloths, come back home before 8 PM, get married by the age of 26, bear at least 2 kids - one boy and one girl...??

It's all linked. First of all, God or any sadhu baba, no one can control if a woman will give birth to a boy or to a girl. Get that fact straight. It probably might be possible by science by controlling some DNAs etc etc but I am sure that solution might be very expensive. So, let's talk about our middle class educated society. Having said that no one control OR even predict whether a woman will give birth to a girl or to a boy, it is stupid to feel angry with your Bahu for giving you a Baby Girl and hate that innocent baby. But that's what happen. So, the neighbors feel pity on you that your bahu gave birth to a girl. Oh, let me remind you, these neighbors are going to just hand over a cover with 101/- only on your grand son's wedding. Point is, don't bother too much about what they say. But that's what we do. We hear to their pity-laden-congratulations and start feeling sorry about having a girl child born in our home. We pass on these negative vibes to our sons, who pass them on to their wives - who is a newbie mom to a girl child. She resists hard to not feel bad about it, but guess what, she is surrounded by 101/- cash giving neighbors and relatives who are continuously feeling pity on her daughter. 'Start saving money and making gold ornaments from now onwards for her wedding', 'girls are so expensive to raise with all their cloths and accessories','don't let her remain outside home after dark', 'get her married before 25 else she might run away with some boy', 'don't get her marry anyone from xyz community. They take heavy dowry', 'now, try for a boy next time'... Phew... So, the parents of the Girl knows that they have a given birth to the burden of their lives.

And, if it's a BOY.... oh, boy. 'He will become next Shah Rukh Khan', 'he is so cute. He will become very famous', 'save him from girls', 'He will surely make your family's name shine', 'you are lucky that you got a boy. Now, you don't need any more kids'. So, the parents of the Boy know that their only hope for name, fame and money (dowry) is their son.

And that's the start of the vicious circle. Educate yourself and your child to become a good human being rather than make them literate with the consciousness of them being a Girl or a Boy and what limitations or power their gender have. Your daughter should not be a birth machine and your boy is not the dowry-earner. 

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