Yes, I have yet again been away from my blog. Being mommy to a hyper active toddler, working in an IT company, a home to take care of and being a wife, daughter and daughter-in-law... That's too much for an average person but guess what, I am not the only one playing so many roles. Almost everyone does that. But somewhere, I have lost control on myself. I have forgotten to be ME. I have shouted at top of my voice and cried so much in past 6-7 months more number of times than I had done in my entire life.
Some people around me have been trying to console me and telling me to remain calm for they are afraid that I might end up with a heart attack or a sudden death any time now. Some people have constantly been telling me to calm down without realizing that they are, in fact, the reason for all this.
But some thing happened today. I participated in a clay Ganesha making workshop with my 2.5 year old daughter conducted by BalaGokulam Hyd in my apartment. Being 2.5 years old, she was more interested in just making the clay round and applying water. So, it was me who made the Ganesha. During the photo shoot, her Ganesha crash landed on the floor. We came back home and I remade the sculpture. Suddenly, I felt at peace. Call it some divine connection or whatever. But I felt as if I have gone back to my childhood, when I used to be creative, active at sports, agile and HAPPY.
I realized that I used to write on my blog which I have been neglecting for so many months. But enough now. I am going to get back the control on my life.
I don't want to die shouting and yelling and thinking too much about what someone said to me. I don't want my daughter to miss me in her growing years. I want to be around her till she is old enough to ignore me and be with her friends or studies or activities. So, what am I going to do? Here is a list and I don't know how soon I am going to start doing these but I have to get on them before this year end:
- Like it happened today again. Some one shouted at me without realizing his tone and without any valid reason. I ignored him and repeated to myself - 'I am right in what I am doing. This person has always been like that. It's his problem. IGNORE'. I know some of you might think that it is wrong to keep on listening to any garbage and remain silent. But if that other person has always been like that, you have already spent many years to change his attitude and yours too, but nothing has changed, so move on. Why to increase your BP and die?
- Indulge in creative activities with my daughter
- Do some sort of relaxing activity like Yoga, Walk or Meditation
- Write the blog - no particular frequency but take out time, look around what is happening in the world, put down my thoughts. It will actually push me to look outside my immediate circle of husband, baby, home and office
- Eat whatever I want, whenever I want - don't feel guilty about eating something lavish without my family. I need to get some ME time. At this time I am not looking to stop eating junk food. Healthy food can come later.
- Stop shouting. If my cranky baby is not listening to me when she is crying her lungs out, move out of the scene or pick her up and keep quiet.
- Stop worrying about her regular meals - if she does not finish her portion, let her be. She can sleep with a glass of milk
- Read out a story to my daughter every night before she goes to sleep
- Develop some good habits - brushing my teeth before I go to sleep, wash my face after I come back from office and before I go to sleep, drink lot of water throughout the day etc. These might sound trivial things to do but they actually help
- Regularly talk to my friends over the phone. Not only through Watsapp or Facebook
- Once in a week go for a NO PHONE/SOCIAL MEDIA DAY (except calling my parents or emergency messages)
- Not sure how and to whom, but I want to get back to writing the letters which I used to do during my childhood days. I have to find out whom to write a letter to. Someone who do not make fun of me for doing this or feel weird about it. Or, I can just write the letters and keep them with me. That has to be figured out.
Writing all this itself is making me feel better and it's high time I do these things before I plunge into depression and make other peoples' lives difficult.