Human Beings - The Trivial Race

To all those

• who would ignite communal clashes for political gains
• who would smuggle things to make big bucks
• who want more power to rule the "world"
• who would stoop down to unbelievable levels to malign someone for sadistic pleasure
• who would throw acid on any who refuses their proposal
• who would curse and kill a girl child
• who cribbed that their life is hell
• who want more and more money and attention
• who did scams after scams
• who tortured and burnt their wife/daughter-in-law for dowry
• who run land, sand, drug mafias
• and many more... basically the entire human race who think that they are the supreme race and one of them will rule the entire race and the planet.

Do you now see that we are such a trivial part of the entire universe?

Do you now see that we are scared to death and confined to our nests because of an invisible virus?

That money, power, fame, land, gold, position, property - nothing, nothing is more precious than being alive, being with the family, being with loved ones.

I am ashamed that I was shouting at and fighting with my daughter when I was confined in my room attending to my office calls and all she wanted was to share the frame.

We have been sharing jokes and forwards about how difficult it is to work from home with your kids around and how we should become creative in keeping them engaged. I think they were looking for a little bit of our time and yes, engagement. Now that some of us have become creative on how to engage them while we work, I wonder where was this creativity before this forceful confinement?

My company had announced such employee friendly ways to work from home and we are figuring out how to connect with each other and share a laugh and keep everyone engaged and motivated. But the moment we would be back in the offices, all that would matter would be "meet the deliverable". I myself would shut out my daughter if I would work from home under the 'normal' circumstances because that's not an acceptable and I totally agree but I can't help but wonder why can't we be always that empathetic with each other?

This virus has made us empathetic about others - "I should be careful with my habits so I don't transmit it to anyone else and this pandemic is contained and ended." I am being careful for my family and friends, yes, but even for all those fellow human beings whom I come in contact with several times of the day without even realizing it. Yes, we are being overtly cautious but even after this ends, I hope that we all carry this empathy and hygienic habits at least 50% of what we are doing now.

We all clapped for our medics, support staff and several community helpers on 22nd March because they stepped out of their homes to be right in the center of the war zone to keep our lives going. But I clapped for those who did that genuinely and always does - not only in the hour of crisis. This applaud should also hit the hearts of those of the community helpers who does not do their duties sincerely otherwise. Yes, I am not ashamed of calling out that there are several doctors, medics, policemen, teachers and so on who run scams, take bribe and take us for a ride under the name of "I spent so much money on my education and now is the time for me to eat the fruits" theory. All of you have been blessed with a beautiful power to heal, safeguard and nurture this world. Yes. I clapped for you all also. 

But, once all of this comes to an end and we step out back onto the streets and to our workplaces, I wish all of us to step out as a lot more humble and thankful people.

Mother Earth is using up this time to rapidly recuperate from all the pollution and exploitation that we had been subjecting her to since several years non-stop. Animals are roaming around fearless because they know they will not be killed/poached.

Human race has done a lot of damage to their own home and almost every century has given us one big tight slap to introspect our actions. We cry, we suffer, we blame God and we are forgiven but every time we come out of that crisis, we come out even more meaner. 

All the mafias would be back in the business, all the 'MEN - the stronger ones' would be back harassing and raping women, all the rich and powerful kids would start using their family names for being unfair, all the politicians would restart resorting to dirty games for their vote banks, all the thankfulness would vanish, all the empathy would be limited back only for our immediate family, we will start polluting the earth with our stupid ways of living, we will throw away the sanitizers and soaps. We are a trivial yet such an asshole race. 

Kill Kill Kill

Find a girl or child alone, rape and kill her.

Someone refuses your proposal, kill them.

Someone does not give you side on the road even after your stupid honking, curse them and if possible, follow and kill them.

Not getting the property from your parents who btw nurtured you, harass them, beat them and then kill them.

A child does not complete the homework or poor parents did not pay the fees for "education/knowledge" which you impart, brutally beat up the child.

Suspect your spouse of infidelity, poison them.

Find an empty road, push the acceletor and fly and may be kill yourself and others too.

Even if you don't find an empty road but as per you, you have some emergency like going for a party or reaching office (when btw you should have left your home on time), honk honk honk and finally hit someone and injure them or kill them.

I mean, it has become so very easy and obvious to take someone's life. I don't get what I want, I can just kill someone. Not a big deal anymore...

Just spot a girl alone or get her to you in case you already know her, brutally rape her and kill her.

Such carelessness on road. Drunken driving cases, overspeeding, losing control of the vehicle, the way people mindlessly cross the roads...

I am a mother and I know how much we dreamt of and prepared to bring a new life. Nurtured her in my womb, husband took my utmost care and when she came in the world, all of us made a comfortable coocoon around her to keep her safe.

But everyday she goes away from us into this bad world who cares nothing about her or us. Who is she? Who am I? Who is my husband? Nobody will give a second's thought before overspeeding and killing me. Nobody will see how delicate the child is. Nobody will understand that my husband is the world for his family.

Some stupid youngster would get drunk, get behind the wheels of his swanky car and kill people on the road.

Yes. Do meditation. Don't think about these things. The world is beautiful. There is still some humanity left. There are good samaritans.

Everything fair but not thinking about something does not mean that its not happening and all of us are vulnerable. All of us. I can't close my eyes, meditate and say that I and my family are safe. Nothing can happen to us. It can.

When a superstar shared how he and his wife feel unsafe here and pondering to move out of India, everybody tainted them as traitors but I ask, why? They were thinking about their safety. Are you okay to see your daughter or friend being raped and murdered and still say that everything is fine? No. Everything is not fine.

My heart goes out to the young Vet doctor who sensed danger when she saw few strangers around her and her fear turned true. Raped and burnt to ashes.

I cried reading the news that a drunk BMW driver who was booked twice earlier as well for the same offence killed a young techie, whose mother is already is coma since past few monhs coz she was also hit by some vehicle at the time of her morning walk.

My blood boils when a teacher mercilessly hits a small child because his parents failed to pay the fees. You are a teacher for God's sake. You give education.

Kids sleeping next to their parents are picked up for child or sex trafficking. I can't even imagine the pain of the parents of knowing that they would never be able to see their child ever and the poor soul would be tortured, given pain, sold and thrown into a dark world.

Just because someone's daughter married a boy out of their caste, they kill them in the broad daylight?! I mean, HOW? How can a father think to kill the daughter he brought in this world just because she married someone out of their caste? You can be angry. You may not talk to her forever but kill her?

Every time I read any such news, I wonder about the moment when the accused may have thought "oh, a girl alone. Let me rape her. What will happen after that? I will burn her. Who will catch me? Nothing will happen"

or

"That idiot has guts to marry my daughter. Let me kill them both"

This is nationwide mental sickness which is catching up. We don't talk anymore. We don't argue anymore to sort out. We are not afraid anymore before committing such heinous crimes.

It's just that we don't eat human flesh but apart from that we are actually the Cannibals. Can we hang some of these cannibals? And btw, if any of the rapists would be hanged - if at all - then our 24X7 media would make him a hero during his last journey and garner sympathy for him. Will show his old parents, how he was an innocent young boy, get few illiterate ministers for debate - they themselves must have either raped or sexually assaulted many - but they would shout and debate that hanging someone is not the solution.

I say SHUT UP. Hanging them one by one and quickly is the only solution for now.

Yes. It's not okay to rape and kill someone or drink & drive and overspeed on the roads or torture your parents for property... It's not okay to do all these and yet pay some hefty amount and get out on bail, because who can kill once, can kill one more time. Yes, Country needs to be feel fearful before committing any crime. That moment when some idiot decides to commit a crime, that moment should send chills down his or her spine that if caught, I would be hanged and nobody will save me.

The only thing that we are not doing is eating human flesh but otherwise we are all Cannibals. Humans have become human prey. 

Me and the Luxury

So, I got the chance of my lifetime, well, not like complete life but something which I had been looking forward to since a long time. I was going to Pune to attend a professional training. What’s the big deal in it, you may ask. Well, for a person who had not traveled alone since past 5-6 years and have been travelling with overloaded suitcases and 3-4 handbags with an infant-turned-toddler in tow, travelling solo was an irresistible offer, that too an all-expense paid by the company trip.

Now was the time to make the bookings. While searching for a nice, clean and a comfortable hotel on the travel site with which my company have an integration (technically)/collaboration (non-technically), the hotel at the top of the list was a 5-star hotel and it was tagged as the ‘negotiated’ (aka recommended) hotel for our Company employees. For a few seconds, I had a big grin on my already big face – just so you can imagine how ugly I must be looking at that time. But then, I was like, ‘what? A 5-star hotel?! No way. It’s so expensive.’

The next closest hotel was 4K lesser than the 5-star one and I toggled between choosing the Luxury over a Budget hotel, for like almost a day or even more – may be 34 hours. No, not exactly but just writing a ‘day’ was not giving that powerful impact. ‘34’ brings that attention and reaction. Anyway. Whoever I asked in the office to help me take the decision told to ‘obviously’ go for the Luxury, since its an all-expense paid trip. Whoever I asked in my family also told to go for the luxury one since they didn’t want me to land up in a hotel which may turn out to be uncomfortable – remember, I was going solo after almost 6 years? I finally decided to go for the luxury. You may be thinking for why was I so confused, why was I even thinking to choose between a 5-star and a 4-star hotel? Because, I am a MIDDLE-CLASS lady, like literally. I am always looking for a middle path.

5-star is good and closest to office, 4-star may be good and a little far away from office – can I get any hotel in between them?

Also, I just can’t handle so much a luxury. Why? Take food. Eating in a 5-star hotel. You ought to sit formally, eat formally, conduct yourself formally. I mean why? You wanna eat, you wanna eat as you like. Order something in a 5-star hotel and you get a carefully and craft fully decorated plate with a little bite, which will cost you in 4 digits. I mean, beautifully plated food looks great in the food contests or on lifestyle channels on TV but when it is meant to be eaten, quantity matters boss.

Lift – In other ‘middle class’ hotels, you enter the lift which is overcrowded with people of all caste, creed and odour and you just hit the button for the floor you want to get to. In the 5-star hotel where I finally (and reluctantly) landed in, I was supposed to swipe my room key (which was like a credit card) and when it flashes the little green light, press the floor where I wanted to go. Hell, the light kept flashing red light. I was stuck in the lift with another family who looked like they were pro of staying in this hotel. Now, how do I ask for help, show off that I am cool when internally I knew that I was stuck and embarrassed that my key was not working? Off they got from the lift but just then the lady stopped and called out her husband in a typical squeaky voice of a middle-class wife – ‘aye, Mukes. Give me our key. Let me see if it works for her’ and I was like, oh, same pinch. (I have not forgotten the ‘h’ in Mukesh. She called him Mukes). Both of them tried their keys by inserting them in every direction but nothing worked, and an alarm was triggered. I thanked them and told them to off-board, probably the lift will take me back to the ground floor and I will take help of the staff. I came down to 7^th floor I think and entered a celebrity – the motivational speaker – Gaur Gopal Das with few of his aides. Now, I definitely cannot ask for help from a celebrity but thought to give it a try again with my key, you know, it happens with us all the time. Things don’t work the first time, then it works with someone else and then immediately we try, it works for us too. But again, my key did not work. Solid embarrassment in front of the celebrity. But then, he was kind enough to quickly gauge that and ask his aide to help me since his keys work for all the floors. He off-boarded on 5^th floor I think and I was helped by his aide. Phew!! Then I got back into my senses and realized that it was HIM!! Ufff, I had a book where I could have taken his autograph and I had a very important question to ask him. I missed all this because of that super swanky but unhelpful key.

Finally, I landed on the 18^th floor. It’s almost 10:45 PM and the corridor is all quiet and empty. Not a soul to be seen or heard. In front of my room – 1812 and the same key was to be used. I swiped it – no prizes for guessing. It did not work. I was sleepy, I had to get up early in the morning and this key refused to let me in. I tried both my keys, this side, that side but the door does not open. I dare get inside the lift again. What do I do? Why don’t people walk in the corridors of the 5-star hotel? It’s deserted. Finally, good sense prevailed, and I notice a phone in the corridor and that connected me to the front desk and I ask for help. After I put down the phone, I walk back towards my room. Thought to give one more half-hearted try with the key and I swipe it. Voila…. The door opens. Ufff, another embarrassment waiting to happen when someone will come to ‘help me open the door’ when I would already be inside.

Wow, the room is amazing, clean, scented, 2 extremely red apples on the table which confused me if they were real or just some toys, bath tub, too many lights to make the room shine, a big TV and what not. What does a typical middle-class person do in such a room? Immediately connects to the free wi-fi (to save the mobile data) and then take lots of pictures. Every angle, covering every luxurious thing. I did that too. Had a Video call with my husband and daughter with the free wi-fi and then was the time to sleep.

For a mother who has been now used to sleep in the corner of the bed since the toddler is ever growing in height (or length, if that’s correct) and keeps on playing in the bed while sleeping, going to sleep on a King Size clean bed was unbelievable. But guess what? I automatically found myself sleep in the corner of the bed. Habit, you see. In the last 5 years, I have been tuned to slip to the corner of the bed, even if it is empty. The bed is too soft and cosy, but I can’t sleep.

I wake up early and check all the toiletries given by the hotel in the room and does a virtual toss in my head – to use the free things of the hotel or stick to what I have already got with me? Use what I have already got with me, so that I can take them on the last day with me back to Hyderabad – intact. What were you thinking? I see the bath tub and a shower area. Again, does a virtual toss. Use the bath tub or the shower. Use the shower, for 2 reasons – I didn’t want to waste so much of water which will be used for a bath tub and… shhhh, I don’t know how to use the bath tub. Why to call for another embarrassment if I accidentally make the bath tub overflow?

Time to go for the included-in-room-tariff free breakfast, which means that I must use the lift again. I pray to God and get inside, swipe the card. My joy knew no bounds when I saw that little green light which meant that my key has worked this time. Oh, you should have seen my confidence boost at that moment. Those drooping shoulders suddenly were back to where they should be. Back straight, confidence in eyes and attitude, no more wrinkles on my forehead – so much a tiny little green light of a 5-star lift can do.

So much to eat and grab in the breakfast. At home, after a juice or curd or fruit-based item we don’t take tea/anything hot but at a free breakfast in a luxury hotel, everything has to be consumed, all at the same time. At home, if we are having idly, we don’t make sausages – you know, the combination is weird. But at a free breakfast in a luxury hotel, who cares. Noodles, sausages, cakes, idly, fruits, Greek yogurt, fruit juice, tea, croissant, cookies, pie – everything within those dedicated 30-45 mins. But I was so conscience. What will those suited-booted foreign officials think about me? But then I looked around to find other Indians like me who were all charged up to consume everything of that lavish buffet because they were also on the company-paid visits. That eased me out. Decided not to look at those foreigners but at the Indians like me. A casual eye contact with them would convey so much in those 2-seconds – ‘Oh, you too on company paid hotel booking’ – ‘yeah, you too. Enjoy. Who knows if you will ever stay in this luxury with your own money?’

It’s an experience to avail a luxurious stay on someone else’s expense and the experience is same for all the Middle-class Indians and I am no different. The stay was amazingly comfortable and memorable.

'Rafu' - a must listen song

Yes, I get irritated with the senseless BOLLYWOOD songs which we get to listen to everyday. But what irritates me even more is that all these musical media keep on playing such songs in loop. That way, even such songs become the ‘chart busters’, for whatever may be the definition to declare a song as a ‘chart buster’. But then because of this, some of the good songs just do not get an option to be even heard by people. Only if audience go and watch the movie, they would get to listen to them. Even then, there are high chances that people look forward to hearing the ‘chart buster’ songs of the movie and dismiss the other songs.

Anyway, to cut the story short, while driving back home yesterday while my brain was overworking due to something really stupid which happened in the office, somehow I felt that there is a very soothing song being played. By the time, I realised that, it was just about to end but thankfully, the RJ announced the name of the movie - it was ‘Rafu’ song from the movie Tumhari Sulu. Mind you, it was not a newly released movie and I had also watched it on Amazon Prime but I knew only two of its songs - Ban ja tu meri rani and recreated version of my childhood favourite song Hawa Hawai.

But ever since I searched for this song today, I am hooked on to it. Simple and nice lyrics, melodious voice of some Ronkini Gupta (honestly, I have never heard her name) and if I understand a little bit of music, only couple of instruments used. I wonder why this song was never played on FM, may be played but rarely. I am almost sure that it would not even get shortlisted in any category for any of the popular awards (though, I wish it does). Those of you who have not yet listened to this song, please do:

https://youtu.be/6AICqitg368

How's the Josh!!!!

How’s the JOSH!!!

High, too high. May be first time in 5-6 years (after our daughter was born), I and Mr. Husband went to watch a movie in theatre sans our daughter. But don’t get too excited. It was no romantic one, rather a hard core patriotic one. But I have no regrets about it.

We went to watch Uri - The Surgical Strike, based on the surgical strike carried out by our Indian Army with a nod from India’s Prime Minister in September 2016. I think only 2 things can make me cry watching a movie – Child missing his/her parents OR losing an army man. Sadly for me, I have seen my cousin brother who was a Major in the Indian Army, losing his life while fighting with the terrorists in an ambush attack. Shaheed Major Alok Mathur is still amar for all of us but time and again, we can’t help but think for what happened that day, how was his contingent blocked, how did he fight with all those terrorist even after being hit with bullets, what went on in his mind at that time? For his parents, family and friends, even though all of us are proud of him, our hearts still ask just one question - ‘why did he not save himself?’ We all know the answer as well. He was a fighter. An Indian Army personnel for whom his Country takes the highest importance followed by his Countrymen and finally the family and friends.

Watched Uri and felt that the personal problems that we all go through everyday and what we crib about are nothing for our Armed Forces.

About the movie. We loved it. The first half set a good background for why India decided to give a solid response to Pakistan. It was an emotional journey. You see the valour of the Indian Army and you see their emotional sides too. They don’t think twice before jumping in front of the enemy’s bullets yet they yearn for the love of their mothers. They are those fighters who do not enjoy sitting in AC offices.

Vicky Kaushal fits the role and is outstanding. Though, he had done some good work in the past but people sat up and took notice of him since Raazi. And he does not disappoint the audience even now. Vicky Kaushal as Major Vihaan Shergill is impressive. The one who does not fail in his planning, the one who promises to bring back every single man of his team back after finishing off the strike, the one who is sharp to notice the grenades tied to the gate they are about to open.

Yami Gautam does her bit. I won’t say too impressive. May be it was only me, but who wear heels while being on an army mission – boarding an army copter while going for interrogation for a terrorist attack? I may not be too aware. Anyway.

Paresh Rawal as Ajit Doval is amazing. Honestly, for a person like me, who is weak in Country’s political and bureaucratic affairs, I had no knowledge about Mr. Ajit Doval. It was when Mr. Husband told that Paresh Rawal looked every bit similar to ‘Ajit Doval’ that I Googled about him and was amazed to read about him. Then, I could appreciate Paresh Rawal even more. He played the role fantastically, also adding his ‘personal touch’ to the character. The subtle humour, of breaking his mobile phones every time he was upset and pulling the intern for why he made his boss run with the Garud if it could take off from hover.

So good to see Swaroop Sampath after such a long time. Though, not shown in the pink of health, she looks her character. All other actors provided a solid support to the film. Mohit Raina (Major Karan Kashyap), Manasi Parekh (Neha), Kirti Kulhari (Seerat Kaur), Shishir Sharma (Gen Arjun Singh Rajawat). Though, I missed catching the name of another actor, but he played the role of Captain Sartaj. Good work.

The direction and screenplay was crisp and too the point. VFX and sound effect just right. You could hear each of the bullet shells falling off. The second half was meant for the planning and execution and that’s what it showed too. The moment the mission was over, the film ended, with few glimpses to make us feel relieved and happy that the team got its due. Be it, Vihaan’s mother momentarily forgetting him but immediately calling out his name and the entire team having dinner after the strike as promised by Mr. Prime Minister. Songs does not stop the film. They give pace to the story.

Though, it is a one-sided story from India’s perspective, as was the case with the actual strike, the neighbouring Country had nothing to defend about. Yes, people call it a propaganda by the current government and I don’t believe in that but even if that was the case, I see no harm in that. Surgical Strike was one of the boldest actions taken by any government of India and it was a success, bringing down the terrorist activities in the Country and everyone should be proud about it.

Director and Writer Aditya Dhar should take a bow along with the entire team and we get our new slang - ‘How’s the Josh?’ High Sir...

Oh, Poor us!!!

Kabhi kabhi mere dil mei khayal aata hai (Sometimes, a thought arises in my heart – literal meaning): aren’t some people made exceptionally rich and some people are exceptionally poor and then there is a middle layer of people who think that they are rich, they try to imitate rich people but little do they realise that they are actually poor.

From the past couple of months, almost all the social media platforms are filled with photographs and videos and news of Uber Rich people marrying even more Uber X Rich people (Uber and Uber X is same as Large and Extra Large). I take a look at a very graceful bride wearing the best of their wedding dresses created by Celebrity Designers and then I look at my pic as a Bride. Till so many years, I was so proud of looking so beautiful in a ‘very expensive’ lehenga (don’t you dare ask me its price) and then I see Priyanka Chopra wearing a Ralph Lauren wedding gown with 75 meters of trail which was being handled by at least 4-5 people.

I remember being fed tomato by my husband when our photographer asked for a customary pose of Bride and Groom feeding each other. Tomato because I was suffering from Jaundice. And then I look at the 6 tier Palatial Cake being cut with a sword by Nick and Priyanka. I now hate Tomatoes and probably 2 tier cakes as well, coz I still calculate the price difference between a single tier birthday cake and the 2 tier cake for my daughter’s birthday and then I always decide for a single tier one. You see, its easier to cut and manage. Money does not matter to me, I swear.

After so many ‘secretively’ conducted ceremonies of these Rich people, when the list of events came out, the immediate thought which crossed my mind was this: My wedding, total 3 major events and I almost died of getting ready, forget about giving a smiling pose to the ever intruding photographers and here they are. Changing into extravagant designer heavy costumes for 7-8 MAJOR events and yet giving that perfect ‘dream’ smile and gracious shy smile (which, btw, looked very very very fake – the ‘shy smile’ part). My brother got married with a high fever. I got married just after getting discharged from the hospital for a severe jaundice. My cousin injured his toe just before reaching his hometown for his wedding. Not that I want people to be injured or sick but how can they look so fresh and vibrant all throughout those shows, errrr, wedding ceremonies I meant?

Shows – that reminds me. It was so difficult to know if those videos were from some wedding Sangeet night or IIFA or Filmfare awards night. For one of my cousin’s wedding, my mom and other cousins somehow put together a dance on a certain song and they were very excited. When I called my mom and asked how was their ‘performance’, she cursed another poor cousin of ours coz he played the ‘remixed and faster’ version of that song and all the participants were dancing together but in different directions and on different lines.

Such accidents happen in our weddings and such accidents must happen in the weddings otherwise what will people remember those weddings for? So, all these high profile weddings of Uber X class of Indians made me think if any such stupid accident happened there. Was there any bhua/fufaji (aunt/uncle) there who cribbed just about everything? Was there any last minute shortage of Gulab Jamuns or everything was well stocked? Do these Uber X families gossip about who was wearing what and how everyone was looking after the wedding ceremonies are over or they just go back to their businesses? Did anyone shout on the hotel staff for not serving morning tea on time? Was there any immediate uncle who was in-charge of the cooking staff so that they don’t do any kind of scam by bringing 50 Kgs of potatoes but sneaking away 5 Kgs to their homes?

But yes, one and only one event made me feel really connected to one of the Uber X  rich families – the Sangeet night of The Ambanis. The Ambani men were dancing right from their hearts. The Celebrity Choreograhper might have spent numerous hours and billed crores of rupees yet the men danced with their 2 left feet – to hell with the rhythm and to hell with the World. That’s a father’s love for a daughter and brothers’ love for their sister who is getting married. And then entered the groom (Priyanka Chopra got him on the stage for Desi Girl) and I thanked God that the family got just the right man. He gelled so well with the men of the Ambani clan. Had the same 2 left feet!! I wondered if any of their multi million dollars business deals got cancelled after the stakeholders saw these men dancing like that but who cares. There were other paid celebrities who were dancing and putting up a nice IIFA show there.

Yes, one noble act that the Ambanis did was to feed around 5100 needy people. That was really commendable. But I still do not understand the need of a 3,00,000/- worth of a wedding card (from the news sources). I saw a demo online and had 2 basic questions (typical lower middle class mentality of mine) –

1. That aarti which plays on opening the card run on batteries? So, if the battery is drained out, the recipients have to put on the new batteries?

2. I am sure they might have invited many foreigner friends, the most prominent one being Ms. Hillary Clinton. Did they FedEx those big Invitation Cards to them or they personally visited them in their private Jets?

I have only 3 wedding cards left from my wedding and I diligently take them out from my bookshelf and blow away the dirt almost every 2/3 months. Had my father made a 3,00,000/- wedding invitation card for me, I might have booked a few bank lockers for them and carried them with me in every wedding within the family or friends circle - It would have worked as an expensive jewellery/accessory. I think I should check with my parents (without getting slapped in slow motion 3 times in the Ekta Kapoor serial style) if my entire jewellery which they gifted me was worth 3,00,000/- or not. If not, then I would really be heart broken (after 9 years of my wedding). If yes, then also I would want to get a little drunk and console myself.

Just now read the title of one of the news items (didn’t bother to open the article though) – “The real reason why Deepika-Ranveer has delayed their honeymoon”.

I mean, I already figured that out man!! They had a pooja ceremony, Sangeet night, Wedding – Style 1, Wedding – Style 2, Reception – Bengaluru, Reception – Mumbai1, Reception – Mumbai2, Reception – Mumbai3 (an after wedding party thrown by Ranveer’s sister), then they had Ambani Sangeet in Udaipur, Ambani Wedding – Mumbai, Ambani – Reception (not sure if they were invited to Priyanka-Nick Reception – Delhi, Priyanka – Nick Reception – Mumbai or not). Where is the time and need for the honeymoon guys??!!!

Oh, Nick-Priyanka (Nickyanka) reminds me, poor Nick (not literal poor but awwww, poor) might not have realised of how expensive his wedding and wife would turn out to be. I am more worried about them specially. Not that I want that to happen but you see, separations are very common and frequent in the West. So much spent on wedding, I honestly wish that they stay together for at least 25 years. Oh, do you think he knows that he is not the Jiju of only Parineeti Chopra? He is India’s ‘THE NICK JIJU’!!!

Anyway. I know people ‘dream’ about their weddings ever since they know the spelling of the word and would do everything within their capacities to bring the experience as close to their dream as possible but how I hoped that they could have married in a little lesser extravagant fashion so that we majority of middle class Indians would not have felt bad for our weddings...

The famous EGO GAME

From past few weeks and months I have being witnessing a very weird scene but something which is not at all uncommon in organisations – Unhealthy and unnecessary Competition between Leaders. Not that I am seeing or hearing about this for the first time but every time I see this happening, I just can’t help but travel back in time and remember one of the most powerful Team Building activities that I have ever been a part of.

It was in May or June of 2008 when I had just joined 3i Infotech Limited, my first job. We were a batch of good 100+ MBA graduates who had joined the company and our induction was in Mumbai. We were made to go through many sessions to induct us in the Company and train us to work in a corporate environment. At the tail end of this induction month, we were taken to Garudmaachi (an outdoor training centre) near Pune. It was a weekend trip with a night stay and many team building, trekking and other outdoor activities were planned.

We were divided into teams and we enjoyed many activities. Now, there was one of the team building activities for which we were taken to a ground where there were lot of obstacles which were placed (like drums or ropes or bars etc). Our Trainer asked the Captains of both the teams to accompany him to a separate corner, while the teams waited. He explained both of them the task and announced - ‘Are you ready? Get set go!!’ and here came our captains rushing towards us.

Both of them explained that the respective team has to cross over from one corner to the diagonally opposite corner, where the other team is, before they could reach our corner. Block their way, deviate them but the rule is that none of the team members’ foot should touch the ground. Either you hang by the rope or walk on the bar but not on the ground. And we had 15 minutes of time. Our respective Captains gave the Shah Rukh Khan’s Chak De style motivating speeches and we made strategies and started our ‘fight’ to block their way and help our team members cross over...

And boy, it was tough. We got mildly injured, our lungs were tired after so much of shouting and we pushed the ‘rivals’ and pulled our team members. As soon as 15 minutes were over, our Trainer blew the whistle and we had to abandon the game. He then called all of us towards him. He sat on a rock while all of us sat on the ground, even though chairs were there at some distance, but all of us were exhausted. Now, came the biggest lesson of my life.

We asked, which team has won and started arguing based on how many members were able to cross over to the other side from each team. We were startled to hear that ‘none of us has won’. We again started arguing and mudslinging the other team members and what not. Then he blew the whistle again and made us go on the ‘pin drop silence mode’. Then he calmly asked both the Captains of what he explained to them about the task in that corner. Both of them stood up and almost synchronously and in complete agreement with each other told that ‘You asked us to cross over our teams from Corner#1 to Corner#2, which are diagonally opposite to each other and vice versa and we have 15 minutes of time and that none of our team member’s foot should touch the ground’.

He then asked one simple question - ‘Did I ever tell you that you have to block the other Captain and his team?’

There was a pin drop silence.

He went on to explain – ‘I just told that Team A has to go to the corner of Team B and Team B has to go to the corner of Team A. Yes, you would have to cross the hurdles making sure that you don’t touch the ground but that’s why those 15 minutes were given. A simple walk across the corners would have taken less than a minute but since each team had 7 members and there were around 5-6 hurdles, it would have taken 15 minutes. You know what you were supposed to do?’

The captains shrugged.

He told - ‘Both of you could have spoken to each other first and decided which team will cross first, Team A or Team B and first the respective Team should have crossed the area and when all the members of that team would have crossed over, the other team could have started their journey. In this case, even the first team could have shared their experiences and knowledge to help the second team to cross the area even faster to make sure that both the teams could finish within 15 minutes. See, what the two of you have done to your teams. While some of them did cross over to the other side but look at them. They are injured. They are accusing each other. They are fighting.’

That’s it. Leaders are not supposed to make strategies only for their team and their team to win. Leaders have the responsibility to take the task to completion making sure that they and their teams synchronise. We are in corporate world. All of us join a company to become a part of the Company’s vision and mission, not to make your own teams who will win certain competition which is not even there. In this journey to fulfil the vision and mission of the Company, surely, people would grow as they gain experience of working. They grow on to become the Leaders. The leaders are supposed to then take the complete team up but not pulling down the other team or the team members. This is what makes a leader respectable. With this attitude within yourself, you will instil the same in your team and definitely influence other teams as well. But if you indulge into ‘my team wins’ - ‘your team loses’ tactic, you will train your team and even other team members to learn this attitude.

My first manager in the previous company (Nagesh Sir) was one such example of good leadership. Of course, he was unreasonable at times but I found him a great leader. Though we were allowed and even expected to call him with his first name but many a times I would find myself calling him Nagesh SIR, out of the sheer respect that I had for him as a leader.

I had seen him pull a chair and sit next to a developer to get into the code to fix something which the developer was not able to fix. I remember that we missed something and were running against the time. To fix that piece, another team had to work on it and they won’t work till all the formal approvals were procured. I was tensed and reached out to Nagesh. Very calmly he got up and walked up to the desk of Tech Team Lead of that other team, explained the problem, impact and the solution and instructed me in front of him that I should straightaway start working on getting all the necessary approvals while that team works on the solution. The TL immediately agreed and the wheel started rolling. I knew what I have to do and he knew what he had to do. Nagesh, meanwhile, went back to his desk. Problem solved.

Team building, corporate relationship building, respecting everyone in the team, helping everyone learn and grow so that one day your junior will take over your role is what a Leader is about.

If a leader has a fear of helping his team for them to grow and take his place some day, he is not a leader. If the leader has a hidden agenda to ‘win’ a non-existent ego competition, he is not a leader. If a leader has a massive ego which does not let him say ‘sorry’ for something wrong he has committed/missed and does not ‘congratulate’ anyone for their good work – own team member or other, he is not a leader. If a leader takes away the entire credit for himself or select few people of his team, he is not a leader.

Leader would stand tall and congratulate anyone who does a smallest or greatest of the good work and hold the hand of a faltering member to help him stand back on his two feet.

This trip to Garunmaachi was almost 10.5 years back but I still can’t forget this lesson. I wish to spread this message to everyone, especially the famous ‘Corporate Think Tanks’ where we complicate our professional lives and then gradually ruin our mental peace because of such misconception about being a Leader or a Manager, as we call them.