The Milestones...

15th May, 2010: I completed 4 years away from home.

22nd May, 2010: We completed 100 days of our marriage.

23rd May, 2010: I completed 2 years of corporate life and in 3i Infotech Limited.

Ok, I know it may sound weird but I don't know why girls/females are more particular about such "milestones" of life. Normally boys/males are not much enthusiastic about such petty milestones. They are indifferent. "100 days of marriage???!!! How does it help??? And why do you have to remember or celebrate it at all". But whenever I come across any such moment/event, I clearly remember the base day (the milestone may not always be some happy occassion).

I remember almost the complete day of 15th May, 2006 when I landed up at Gurgaon with all my luggage to join ICFAI. How we ran from pillar to post for the registeration, how it was such an irritating time to sit on those uncomfortable benches waiting for my turn of registration, how this girl was sitting beside me, who later happend to become my roomie and one of the best friends- Sushree, that irritating and chepu guy (will not take his name P.R.G.), finding my allocated hostel room all shattered because of heavy turbulence a day before and spending the night with such stranger girls, how I missed my parents and brother that day (and yes, cried as well) etc etc.

Wedding day, ofcourse, is not meant to be forgotten anyways. Each moment, that heavy lehenga and how I was managing to keep up the strength to carry out the ceremonies, how my baraat got delayed to reach Jaipur because of the traffic jam (they completed the 6 hours journey in almost 10 hours), etc etc.

So, like that. Females, I guess, are always looking for a reason to celebrate and gulp some tasty stuff in the name of completing those milestones, or the reason to keep quiet on that day (if the milestone is a sad moment). Thats my reason. Or may be the males look for some materialistic figure (Sales target, percentage marks, number of break ups etc etc) to look it up as the milestone and then celebrate achieving it. Apart from that, everything else is just too boring or miniscule to celebrate. Don't you think so? Or you can suggest some better reason? Or you totally disagree with this "fact"?

Whatever, but I am waiting to complete 150 days of my marriage on 11th July, 2010 :) :D :P (n btw, this happend to be my 60th blog post...milestone, you see)

CHEERS !!!!!!!!!!!

Surprise Surprise... We are here to Audit your System...

Just now my system at office underwent a "surprise" external audit by a lady from Microsoft (checking if any system is using the MS softwares without the license).I guess, she was not too old. Must be in late 20s, with the specs on and wearing western formals and talking sternly to our very own ETG guy, whom we have to plead for every small issue related to networking or system installation. But today I saw him really pissed off with the Auditor (following her orders and instantly answering her queries and we were really enjoying this site). I don't know why the Auditor always looks like a DEVIL and why they always show off their authority (which they get by default being an auditor)?

Even if I have not done anything wrong/illegal, you say Auditor/ Audit, and I would start thinking if I have done anything wrong.

This reminded me of my school days, when we were informed about the "Surprise Inspection" some 2 weeks before it was supposed to take place, so that students could completely fill in their registers/notebooks in the best handwriting and the teachers get enough time to check them and neatly put their signatures as if they have been checking them with the utmost precision regularly. We would be told to trim our nails, polish our shoes, wear nicely ironed uniforms, no one should make noise, not even allowed to go out to fill in our water bottles or go to the wash rooms to show that the corridors are traffic free.

My question: Are schools supposed to be No-Horn, No-noise Pollution, No-Traffic Zone? No. Kids, and ya, grown up kids also go to schools. And kids are supposed to play,make noise, run here and there, ofcourse in a disciplined way. But that doesn't mean that schools should show off that our students don't even go out to drink water...!!!!

Instead, if they actually make students trim their nails, wear ironed uniforms, regularly do their homeworks and make proper notes on the daily basis, and the teachers check them as their regular and mandatory duty, I guess their would be no need for such Inspection and creating a fuss about it. Rather would actually make students and the teachers more responsible...

But thats how it has always been. Show off your good side only when required (emergency) else Don't Bother...

To be Hanged till death...

Two days back one of my friend pinged me on the gtalk, commenting on my gtalk status which said: “Forget Modi, Kasab is de new hot topic...". He was wondering if my next blog post would be on Kasab.

I was just thinking about the case and by 4:30 p.m. that day I got the news that Kasab has been found guilty and faces the Death sentence. I thought about it for sometime and actually felt an anger within me which said that “yes, Kasab should be hanged or made to die in the most horrible way and all others facing the death sentence should also be hanged with immediate effect”.

Instantly I opened up a window and started my search on Google and typed: “different types of execution”. Clicked on one of the headings: Top 10 Modern Methods of Execution- Listverse. After reading the methods and the way the executions are carried out, I could feel the goosebumps on my skin. How can a family or a witness watch a person dying or made to die?

Lethal injection, electric chair, gas chamber, single person shooting, firing squad, hanging, beheading, guillotine, stoning, garrote. Each method was explained in detail and the pictures were attached. Thankfully, those images were blocked at my office. In few of the methods/countries, the executions must be witnessed by the family members as well. This must be horrible.

I am not saying that no one should be given the death sentence but after reading this, for sometime I thought that death sentence is the most insane punishment. But I guess, those who face death penalty must be interrogated thoroughly and then given the sentence. Its like, mind wants the criminals to be hanged till death and heart says no, death sentences must be abolished from the system. This reminds me of my visit to Andaman's “kala paani Jail” where I saw the gallows. There was nothing. It was a very small underground room where the bodies were kept after the prisoner was hanged and has died. It was empty obviously- no blood stain, no body, no smell. But it was suffocating to be standing there. In hanging, the executor would have to visit the prisoner and take his measurements to prepare the noose. The size of the rope and the length should be such that the prisoner die instantly. What if he makes some mistake in this measurement? In lethal injection, after the first dose the convict must die, if not then second dose and still not, then the third and final dose. How about him lying on the execution table alive after the first dose, waiting for the second one?

There are methods in which there are more than one executor. In some, multiple executors are kept behind the curtain so that no one comes to know who actually executed the convict. But the actual executor would surely know that he was the one. How about the guilt that builds up in him? In some methods, multiple executors are kept and all of them are told to press the trigger for execution at the same time so that none of them knows who has actually executed the convict. But what about other methods, where there are normally one executor? I have read a story in my school days of such an executor, who had to execute some one and after the execution only he came to know that the convict was his own son.

In case of terrorists, who themselves say that they have committed the crime, the countries still keep them in jail for years and years on the grounds that they can give some vital information or the lack of ample evidences, until some other terror attacks by his friends to take revenge or get him freed. In such cases, I believe, there is no need to keep them in jails and waste the country's time, money and resources after him. In five years, whatever information they might be having they must have told and if they had any intention to lead a normal life, they would have changed. But if not, then keeping them in jails forever will never help. So, again, mind says, Hang them till death. But...

What can be the alternative to death penalties?

I have written above about what I have searched. I know many of you might try to search for the same on Google. Don't do this if you don't want your day or mood to be spoiled. I had spoiled my mood that day.

The First MURDER of my life...

I was getting bored at my office, as usual, and my friend offered me a lift to my home, leaving office a bit earlier than normal. I knew something wrong is going to happen with me today. As I picked up my bag to leave the office, was encountered by my senior manager just outside the lift and the guilt feeling cropped up instantly. That was a bad sign. Still carried on and reached home. The moment I entered into my flat, again I felt something fishy. Checked all the doors, windows, switches, gysers etc. Everything seemed well in place. Kitchen was also fine. But I guess, someone was watching me.

Ignored all my stupid thoughts and changed my cloths and crashed into my bed. After sometime, decided to get out of the bed and do something constructive. But was not much interested in going into the kitchen. Something was very disturbing about it. Switched on my TV and tuned onto my favourite music channel. Somehow my mind diverted from this "something-is-wrong" thing and I decided to put on the music on high volume and get into the kitchen.

I cleaned one part of it and quite reluctantly went on to clean the other side. At that very horrifying moment my stupid thoughts turned into reality. Someone was actually watching me and was waiting for me to kill me !!!!!!!

She jumped onto me and I could just manage to maintain my balance to avoid falling onto the floor. I jumped back and she fell on the floor. Regained my conciousness and looked straight into her eyes. She was such a pathetic black thing. Yuck !! and was lying still there. Thats when I decided to take on my Self-defense measure and KILL her.

I ran to bring my weapon from the balcony and attacked her brutally. Now it was her turn to run for her life but BANG... I stabbed her repeatedly and finally she lay there- DEAD. PHEW !!!

That was the first murder of my life. As if I am determined and destined to commit 50 murders in my life. Before you jump on to any weird idea of the murder of a human being, let me clarify, I murdered a LIZARD. Humanity wise sad/wrong/barbarous/horrible/ etcetera etcetera, (etc. etc.: many of us don't know the full form of etc.) I know. But that was Self Defense. When you are in a very good mood and cleaning your area/ sleeping/ singing/ or doing anything on this earth and an ugly looking lizard jumps on to you with the intention to kill you, won't you fight it back???

When you are too sleepy to even put off the light whose switch is some 5 steps away and you spot a lizard on the ceiling just on top of you, won't you jump off to save your life??? Yes, you would. Basically, was not my first murder. My earlier victims had been mosquitoes, bugs, spiders etc etc. But Lizard is something I hate, especially when I spot her on the above mentioned occassions. Else, am not much bothered.

And for this daring act, I got a big chocolate from my dear hubby (who is much more afraid of such creatures). Ek Kitkat to banta hai na !!! Sorry God for this murder....

BTW: when I entered home, I found it different, coz, Nimit's one of the cousins had been to our home a night before and he left for his work after both of us had left. So, the doors, windows and curtains were in a bit different position than normal :)

How to keep yourself awake in Office...

By working, ofcourse....

But in case you don't have any work or if it is a Monday (and you are damn sleepy) or if it is your birthday or your boss has made your life miserable and thus you don't want to work or if you are engaged/married (newly married only) and its a perfect romantic weather outside, and SO you are not able to concentrate on your work and are a restless soul, how would you keep yourself from falling off your chair publicly??

Do write in your ways how you keep yourself awake in the Comments section. I am scribbling down my ways:

1. Keep on drinking lot of water

2. Keep munching on to something- I eat biscuits, others may use Chewing Gum (you cannot sleep while chewing something right? or can you?? Don't tell me !!!)

3. Keep going to washrooms and stretch yourself and wash your face (I do that repeatedly till my face becomes so cold and numb that it loses all its senses)

4. Play games (which I can do only when my boss is not around- it doesn't look decent you see and you ought to show off that you are a decent being atleast in your office)

5. Read novels- yes, I have finished as many as 5 novels in my office

6. GTALK  and FORWARDS and REPLY ALL option on mail and hence the vella-panti with your group mates

7. Disturb others and get into any stupid talks

8. At times when I am awake enough to get into any serious discussion, I join my group of INTELLIGENT friends, who have knowledge about most of the things. The only problem is that I forget whatever we discuss as soon as I am out of the discussion, but thats my childhood problem, can't help it.

9. Ignore everyone and put on your handsfree and listen to your favourite songs on your mobile/ipod, how-so-ever indecent it looks.

10. GOOGLE/Google Maps/Wikimapia/Rediff news etc etc. Just pick any random term and type it on google and start your search.

11. Write a blogpost, as I had just now done...

These are my ways to make sure that I don't fall off my chair and let people have a good laugh about it. Do write in your ways, they may be interesting enough to put all of us reading this blog off the sleep at our workplaces.... CHEERS !!!

Its all about Money Honey...

Someone had raised a question on one of the social networking sites a few days ago: Why does Cricket has special and skewed fan following in India, even when it is not our National Sport? I guess the answer lies in the huge money involved in the sport. Its one sport in which everyone gains some monetory benefits. In other sports, like hockey, players keep on wondering if they have to play on their own expense, while the association gulps in all the money (whatever comes in).

In cricket, even if your team loses the match, you will get a handsome amount as match fees. And the new nationwide fever- IPL (20-20) has completely redefined the meaning of Teams. Richie Riches of the world "buy" players for huge amounts and make their own team. So, now Tendulkar has got the opportunity to play against his long time team-mate Kumble, coz he has been bought by Mumbai team and Kumble by Bangalore team.

And when something like this becomes this big, it is hard to believe it that no controversy would be involved. Earlier it was about the scantily clad cheargirls, then boycotting the Pakistani players, then Shahrukh's statement and now the biggest scandal of the IPL-- Modi Vs Tharoor-- has cropped up. And as customary, once someone's name is dragged into any controversy, we don't leave without tracing his every single act that he has done from his childhood.

Lalit Kumar Modi- The Chief of IPL. Only now it is made public that he has so many criminal cases against him, that his son-in-law has stake and interest in IPL teams and that Modi gave few contracts of IPL to his family members just like that. No one asked this when he was made the chief (may be because he was opening the door for the biggest money making market)

Shashi Tharoor- (Now Ex) Minister of state for external affairs- Kerala . Only now we have become so interested in his two marriages and current girlfriend.

Now have started the blame game and both the parties and their respective supporters are doing deepest research on each other and taking out the ghosts of the past. I have not been able to understand thus far as to how people find so much of time to put down their current state of mind on Twitter and even more that how curious and eager other people are to know what these celebrities have just written.

Lalit Modi (I suppose, he should have been very very busy with the on-going IPL), found enough time to leak the name of one of the owners of the Kochi team on Twitter (why on the earth did he use this medium??).

Then on further probing, this owner- "a beautiful attractive lady" - as quoted by Tharoor, Sunanda Pushkar, is rumoured to be Shashi Tharoor's girlfriend and they are about to get married.

Ms. Pushkar is said to have no skill and interest to be made the co-owner and this is when the real controversy striked. Shashi Tharoor supposedly used his GF (yeah, the slang) to put his stake in the team, which as a minister he cannot have and also instructed Modi not to probe into the owners of the Kochi Team.

Though Modi supposedly wanted other business groups to win the bid for the team,so that he can have the indirect stakes in the team.

This can be termed as money laundering and illegal betting.

Then all the Sherlock Holmes (as I mentioned earlier as well) took out Modi's life history, which is full of criminal charges against him.

Lalit Modi, himself is supposedly having stakes in other teams through his relatives.

Government came to Tharoor's rescue. They accepted his resignation (to keep up their clean image) and attacked Modi-aka-IPL-aka-BCCI, by asking all the papers and tax probe. If tax probe is done, BCCI may end up paying billions of rupees to the government.

In this scenario, BCCI is ready to sack Modi (better to lose one man than paying this hefty amount).

But how can the GOD of IPL quit? The IPL and its associates have been subject to nationwide tax raids over the past few days and authorities have summoned IPL officials on Friday to hand over all paperwork related to the tournament. This has led all the franchisees into deep trouble and tense situation.

 

Ultimately, Tharoor has quit, Sunanda Pushkar has quit, Modi is facing the same charges that he has put on Tharoor (of using someone else to get the stakes in the team), entire IPL brigade is under the scanner now.

 

The cuplrit: Twitter. Lets see where does this all end up at. I am again very confused (as I was in the case of Sania-Shoaib). You are most welcome to put this entire case in the most simple language, to make me understand, in the comments section. Thank You.

 

PS:
1. The word "supposedly" has been used many times, because all of us are still in the "guessing" mode. Nothing is sure and certain. So, don't be annoyed by the repeatitive use of this word.

2. Don't forget to visit this place http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lalit_Modi . I always wonder how Wikipedia always have all the information.

WHY...

Got these questions from the "Light Humor" section of the magazine from one of the most boring (that's what I think) team of any organization- Legal...

Read this, even you will think "WHY?"

1) If swimming is a good exercise to stay fit, then WHY WHALES are fat?

2) WHY is that everyone wants to go to HEAVEN but nobody wants to die?

3) Shall I say that there is racial discrimination in CHESS as WHITE piece is moved first?

4) In our Country, we have freedom for SPEECH, then WHY telephone bills?

5) If MONEY doesn't grow on tress then WHY do BANKS have branches?

6) WHY does a round PIZZA come in a SQUARE box?

7) WHY doesn't GLUE stick to its bottle?

8) WHY do you still call it a BUILDING when its already BUILT?

9) If its true that WE are here to help others, then what OTHERS are here for?

10) If you aren't supposed to DRINK AND DRIVE, then WHY do BARS have parking lots?

WE are funny people living in a SERIOUSLY funny world!!!!!!!!!!